Erin
by H.P.Witchcraft
Summary: Eren Jaeger is born Erin Jaeger, and she has been friends with Mikasa and Armin since before the fall of wall Maria, going through cadet training and fighting in the battle of Trost, they find Erin can transform into a huge male titan. Erin turns herself over and helps to recapture Trost by blocking the hole in the wall and is rewarded with imprisonment, here her story begins.
1. Chapter 1

**hey guys! this is my first attack on titan fic! A long time ago someone recommended it to me and I didn't listen until recently. In a word, its awesome, and since its so awesome I want to write a fic about it. So, without further adieu, here it is. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy the story!  
**

Eren Jaeger is actually Erin Jaeger, and she has been friends with Mikasa and Armin since before the fall of wall Maria. After going through cadet training and fighting in the battle of Trost, they find Erin can transform into an enormous male titan. Erin turns herself over and helps to recapture Trost by blocking the hole in the wall and is rewarded with imprisonment. This is where her story begins.

Erin Chapter 1

When I woke, the confusion hit first. Where was I? What had happened?

Trost. The fight. Titans. _I was a titan_. What the hell was going on?

My vision was fuzzy, but I could see I was in a bed in a dark unlit room. Two men, one sitting and one standing, were on the other side of a set of prison bars. A jail cell... I was in a jail cell. Great.

As the men came into focus, I knew they were familiar, but before I could identify them, the sitting man caught my full attention as he said, "Any questions?"

Commander Erwin, head of the Scout Regiment's Task Force. What is he doing here? And... Is that Captain Levi too? What is going on right now?!

_Okay, stay cool Erin, you're not in the same room with your heroes right now, you're in a jail cell and they're asking you something. Answer them!_ I mentally ordered myself.

"Where am I?" _that's a good start, sort of._ I had a million questions. Let's ask the most obvious and see what I can get them to tell me.

"I think it's obvious," Erwin said, he didn't move from his chair and he didn't let much else slip, "Let's just call it a dungeon. You're currently in the custody of the Military Police. We were granted permission to see you only just now."

I shifted in my seat, and the chains around my wrist rattled. I hadn't noticed them until now and now that I knew they were there, I felt a wave of cold wash over me. I shivered a bit and gave the pair before me my attention once again.

Commander Erwin held a key. Dad's key.

"Where did you get that?" I could hear the anger in my voice. I hadn't meant to seem so hostile. I want to seem like I'm cooperating. I want to survive. If I don't, I'll never get to fight again.

"Off of you," the commander sounded just as cold in his response, "Don't worry, you'll get it back. Let's talk home. Specifically the good doctor's cellar back in Shiganshina. Pretty big secret in there, right? About the titans?"

_So he'd been briefed,_ I thought. _He knows everything I do about that damn key._

_Cooperate. Move on. Survive._ I told myself again. I took a breath and told him everything he already knew.

"Yeah, I think so." I kept my voice calm and even, losing the harshness I had before, "That's what Dad said anyway."

At the thought of my family, my mother who'd eaten in front of my eyes and my father... who knew where he'd gone, what had happened to him, I looked down at my chained hands. Did I deserve this? Maybe I should bear more of the responsibility for those things. I was _there_. I was _useless_. I was _weak_. In a lot of ways, I still am weak, that's why I'd become a cadet. I needed to be stronger, to be better. To protect them, the only ones I had left.

"Must suck having your dad and your memory MIA at the same time." Captain Levi spoke for the first time.

He sounded even colder than I had. It was almost to be expected. His reputation made him out to be harsh, in attitude and word. Maybe he was descended of the Russians, I heard that was a trademark of being Russian.

"Unless of course, that's just a cover story." the captain continued. He was doubting my story. He had a right to, anyone would. They were scared, whether they showed it or put on a brave face. I was a human who could turn into a titan. They had a right to be afraid of me. I was afraid of me too.

"Enough." The commander cut in, "We've been over this already. We know she has no reason to lie." He looked from Captain Levi back to me, "And that's all we know. How 'bout you shed a little light on things for me by telling us your intentions."

"My...My what?" _what did he mean?_ "What do you mean?"

"Here's the lay of the land, kid. If we want to pay your dad's cellar a visit, we have to venture back into Shiganshina. Sealing the breach there as we did in Trost would be the smart way to go about it, don't you think?" Would it even matter if we went to the house? The roof had collapsed and five years had passed. I wasn't about to put that doubt in their heads though. This could be my only means of survival.

The commander went on saying, "Naturally, we'll need your special powers. Any way you slice it, a Titan is deciding our fate." _Another reason for them to fear you_, the voice of doubt whispered from one of my mind's dark corners, _will they let you live? _"It's been conjectured that the Colossal and the Armored Titan are more or less the same as you. It's why I ask your intentions. They could be the key to turning the tide forever. You could save us."

Maybe they weren't so afraid of me, or maybe it was just the commander. It almost seemed like he had faith in me. It was time I had faith in him and gave him a better grasp of what I am.

"I don't know what I am," If that's not complete honesty, I don't know what is. I have no idea what's going on and no idea what's happening to me.

I could hear my voice, or a memory of it, playing in my mind and I remembered part of my time as a titan. I saw images of my father and of those mindless maneaters, hunting and feasting for no reason other than sport. I saw my friends. I saw my mother. I saw destruction and death and gore and carnage. My eyes glazed over, I heard a crazed tone in my voice, and felt my fists clench, my fingernails digging into my palms, nearly drawing blood.

I barely knew what I was saying as I started to mumble along to the memory of my own voice but foreign strings of words.

"No. This is over. I'm going to put a stop to this! I'll kill them all with my bare hands!"

"C'mon!" Levi goaded me, but the shock of his voice only pulled me from my daze enough to hear the rest of his words. "It's an easy question. So answer it. What the hell do you want to do?"

I felt my shoulders shuttering with anger as the daze and the anger took over again. What did I want? My mouth seems to know, but my mind is in the dark. The tone of my voice was slightly hoarse and completely crazy as I told them, "I want to become a member of the Scouts and slaughter every Titan that crosses my path."

I looked down at my hands as soon as I said it, nearly regretting it. That's it. There goes survival. They think I have a death wish, and that's dangerous for everyone else who could be involved with me during a battle. I gathered my courage, getting ready to look the two men in the eyes when they told me the chopping block was waiting, but all I saw was a glint in Captain Levi's eye. My head involuntarily tilted to the right and my confusion was blatant.

"Huh." the captain said, shrugging his shoulders just slightly as he slumped a bit down the wall, "Well played."

What did he mean by that?

"Alright then," Levi kept talking, but I was still not any less confused, "I'll take responsibility for her."

He approached the bars, gripping them tightly as he continued, "Let the higher-ups know what's going on." He told the commander, but his eyes never left me. He didn't trust me not to break free or titan out and attack him if he turned away. That was a rule of war, right? Never turn your back on the enemy, "Not that I implicitly trust her, of course. It's more a matter of me trusting myself to deal with her. Kill her, if I have to."

He was very clear now with his intentions, but I'm still not sure I understand, "The big wigs aren't likely to raise a stink. My record more than speaks for itself, I'm pretty sure." I felt myself nod slightly to that statement. I knew only his public record and it did more than its fair share of speaking for itself.

"Good news, Jaeger," He finished, "You're now officially a member of the Scouts."

WHAT?!


	2. Chapter 2

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Erin Chapter 2

After the Commander and the Captain had left, I laid back down and waited for hours and hours, maybe even days. When I moved, the chains would rattle and the cold seeped into my body through my pretty new bracelets, riddling me with chronic shivers. I was nervous. How would the rest of the world feel about my joining the Scouts? Was Captain Levi wrong? Were they giving him a hard time about me joining up? Were they as scared of me as I was?_ I hope they are. _Would I be trapped here until they decided to kill me? Would I be experimented on until death came? Would I be a hindrance to the safety and furthering of humanity?

I was left here for an eternity! I just wanted to move. To exercise. To do something, anything, but I was restricted to that damn bed unless the guards felt safe enough to let me loose. When I did get them to let me loose it was only for mere seconds, never more than a minute.

I kneeled on my bed, chains rattling as I moved and looked at the guard before me, on the other side of the bars. I was surprised he didn't flinch with every sound I made. The last one had.

"Excuse me? I gotta pee." I told him. He still didn't look at me. I was nothing more than a filthy titan and the possible cause of his demise. He was too scared to look at me.

"No you just went." He told me. Lie, its been forever since I've moved from this bed. The first time they let me loose was the greatest, but after each time I only craved that freedom more. Maybe I had just gone. Maybe my antsiness was just getting on his nerves. Maybe he wasn't afraid of me. That fact he denied me something either meant he was too afraid to come in here or he was fearless enough to tell me no. I guess the true answer was based on perspective. His coworkers might find him brave, but I just find him to be annoying. If I get out of here and see him again, he could expect a kick in the pants.

"Then can I have some water?" I asked. I didn't mean it to, but it almost sounded sassy. Not good. That was bound to just piss them off.

"Hey!" the other guard yelled, "You're not getting a thing, got it? Damn monster." I swallowed hard and looked to my hands again. When I was anxious I usually cracked my knuckles, messed with my fingernails, or played with my hair. I couldn't reach my hands together to do that, and my neck was so stiff I couldn't bow it enough to reach my hair.

_Monster,_ the nagging voice in the back of my mind was back, with its doubts and taunts. It wanted to provoke me, but I wouldn't let it. It continued_, he's really not too far off the mark there. Frightened of us or not though, you don't deserve this. But how can you blame him. We don't even understand what's going on. Maybe they should just put you down. _I tried to clear my mind of that darkness by thinking on the bright side.

'At least these guards haven't actually tried to kill you yet.' I told myself, 'Think positive.'

When I started trying to actually think positive, I just wound up thinking about my friends and about how before, way before, before I'd even talked to Commander Pyxis, they weren't afraid of me. Even after everything they'd just seen. They still trusted me at least. I wonder what they're doing now. I hope they're alright. I still can't remember a single thing about them after I transformed to move the boulder and close off Trost's gate. I wonder what happened to the others too, my cadet class. Had they survived? Would I see them again? Would they ever trust me again?

I heard Erwin's voice in the back of my mind, overtaking the doubtful voice, telling me, "Just hang on a little longer, kid, we'll keep trying to sort all this out."

I've been in here way too long. If I could remember how, I might have driven myself mad enough to transform and escape by now. Maybe I'd have been killed, or maybe I'd have found my friends and we'd be making a break for Shiganshina.

What is happening out there? Outside these bars and dark stone walls. Away from the this musty old dungeon, where there were more people than just guards and if I needed a freaking bathroom I didn't have to ask like a school child. I don't want to spend the rest of my life here. I want out. Please. Someone. Mikasa. Armin. Get me out of here. I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm sorry that I'm different and scary to you all, but I'm scared too. Please just let me go already. I felt a few tears prick at my eyes. I was going crazy.

I heard a noise echo around the room like a door opening, but I didn't deign to look. It was a hallucination. A stupid trick of my mind, trying to give me hope that I would get out of here. That I would survive. I heard the sound again as the door closed. Then I heard the footsteps and saw movement in front of the bars as a woman approached.

She grabbed the bars all of a sudden and I flinched, hard, jumping back a bit, my leg nearly falling off the edge of the bed. She wore glasses and her eyes almost seemed red with fire in the torch light. I was shocked to say the least. She was the first person to approach the bars, approach me, without fear like that, except for Captain Levi of course. He did it much slower and much colder though. He also didn't look away from me for any amount of time, he'd backed away, still watching me, when he left. I didn't expect this woman to be much different. He looked ready to brandish a sword in my face, but when I looked at this woman only waved a smile my way and spoke to me with kindness.

"So then," she said, "You're Erin? Are you well? How're things? I'm really sorry you've been waiting so long." she seemed so warm. I almost wanted to open up to her. To tell her how trapped I felt. How much I wanted to escape. How scary and lonely my life was becoming. I didn't get a chance to say anything though before she added, "But here's your chance to finally get out."

_Really?_ I thought_, I could just about kiss her right now!_

"One thing." She told me, "You'll have to put these on for me, okay?" she held a pair of handcuffs through the bars for me to take as her blond companion stepped into my view beside her.

That was no issue, so long as I was finally leaving this dungeon. Maybe I would get to see a little sunlight.

Before I knew it, my hands were cuffed behind my back and we were moving. As we walked, she spoke to me with the same kindness as earlier. Her partner was unfazed by her friendliness, but the other guards seemed caught very... off-guard.

"My name is Zoe Hange. I'm a section commander for the Scouts. This is a fellow commander in the Scouts. Miche Zacharius." She motioned to her friend.

I felt my back stiffen and I tried to move myself just a bit out of his way as he put his head beside me own and started to... I don't know what else to call it but smell me. I wanted to yell at him, order him to back off before he regretted it, but I couldn't, who know how the others around us would react.

_Stay cool. Talk calmly. Survive._ I told myself. Different words, same meaning. If I want to achieve my goal, I have to play the part of a cool and collected soldier who had suddenly found out she could turn into the enemy and use her new form to kill them. How am I remaining calm? This is absolutely without a doubt the craziest thing that has ever happened to me! Or anyone for that matter!

Section Commander Hange seemed to notice her comrade's odd behavior now because she said, "Oh, don't mind him. He makes a habit of giving new people a thorough sniff. Tends to laugh through his nose a bit. But I don't think he intends it to be derisive. Quirks aside, he is a skilled section commander." Okay Section Commander Hange, but that was a bit of an over share. Am I supposed to do something with this information? How about we stop wasting our time and you tell me the things that I really need to know, like where the hell are we going and what's going to happen when we get there?!

"Oh, poo! Sorry, I've just been prattling on with the small talk and now we're here!" Great, now I get nothing before I get sent gods knows where.

"Well, I'm sure its fine," she continued, "It's probably better if I don't explain, anyway." No! No it is not better for you to tell me nothing! Give me answers lady!

Two of the guards grabbed my arms from behind and took me off through the doors in front of us.

"Hey! Hold on!" I yelled looking over my shoulder at Section Commander Hange.

"It might seem callous, but remember... we've all put our faith in you, Erin. Best of luck." She was suddenly very serious and I was suddenly completely terrified.

"WAIT!" I yelled, but it was too late. She closed the doors and I was alone. The Section Commander's warmth and kindness was gone and the cold from my shackles riddled me with shivers once again. Gods save me...


	3. Chapter 3

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Erin Chapter 3

The room we entered was almost grand. It had a beautiful painting on the ceiling, wood benches around the edges of the room, all filled with people. It was a court room. I was on trial and I was alone in my defense. That's what she meant by good luck. Fantastic. I'm going to get skewered and then I'm going to get dissected until they're satisfied with their findings.

I still almost can't believe I was in the basement of a freaking court house this whole time! Um... excuse me, WHAT?! Why is there a_ dungeon_ in the basement?!

I was frozen as I looked around the room, but then I heard the guards voice behind me and felt his gun smacking me, pushing me forward. I nearly fell on my face. With my hands cuffed behind my back like this, my balance was definitely thrown off.

"All right! Move it!" The guards commanded, "On your knees. Now!"

I knelt where they told me. Complied when they locked my hands to the ground, and watched as they backed off me. Like this, I wasn't a threat to anyone. I was so nervous, not just nervous though, anxious. I was terrified of dying here in front of all these people, of being declared guilty, and having my head cut off. I was so tightly ties that my hands couldn't reach each other, not a single finger could touch. I couldn't crack my knuckles or fiddle with my finger nails. I couldn't play with my hair or do anything, really. I moved my hands a bit to see if I could maneuver around enough to fiddle at all, help myself seem more calm, but I couldn't. I was stuck and I was not going anywhere.

They'd already taken my time by locking me in that dungeon. They were probably going to kill me for being different, even though I had aided them and done good for humanity. They couldn't even let me have my dignity or my composure in court. Everyone here could probably see right through me. My walls had crumbled and I was at the point where all I wanted to do was give up.

My eyes shifted erratically around the room. Why were all these people here? Why are they all just starring at me? Is somebody going to explain what the hell is happening right now?

My eyes fell on a group of soldiers. Mikasa and Armin stood at the front of the group.

My friends! _What are they doing here?!_

I was scared that I'd dragged them into this mess and was about to drag them six feet under with me, but they were both scared too, Armin especially. I couldn't let them see me cracking like this. I had to be strong. I had to get through this for them. Even though I didn't have enough mobility to use my normal methods of calming myself, I had to do my best to settle. I breathed, slow and deep, lowering my heart rate. I clenched my fists to steady my shaking hands and I gave the two of them a gentle smile.

A door opened and the smile fell from my face. The trial was beginning, and it was time to face the music. A man with a head full of grey hair and a matching beard sat on the highest seat at the front and center of the room.

"All right, shall we begin?" he asked, peaking at the room over his glasses, then looking back down to the paper on the table in front of him, "Your name is Erin Jaeger. And as a soldier, you have sworn to give up your life when called to, for the good of the people. Is that correct?"

"Yes." I told him, his a slight nod.

"As an enlisted soldier during a time of war, military doctrine demands your tribunal be held as a court-martial. As a Commander of our armed forces, this matter is left to my discretion. Thus, I will decide whether you live or you die. Any objections"

"No, sir." I told him. This time I could not meet him eyes, I couldn't even look at him. I focused my attention to the ground in front of me.

"Your astuteness is appreciated. Let us proceed." I heard foot steps entering behind me, but I didn't dare look, I didn't move. I could barely think or breathe. I put what little brain power I had left at this point into focusing on his questions, and breathed slow and steady.

The Commander continued, "As expected, covering up your existence has prove quite fruitless. And unless we publicly disclose your existence, one way or another, we risk the outbreak of widespread civil unrest. A choice must be made. And the regiment that takes custody of you, will determine your fate. The Military Police or the Scout Regiment."

I could see Captain Levi and Commander Erwin out of the corner of my eye, and I felt a prayer start with in me. If something was out there listening, all I wanted was for the Scouts to win this. I wanted to see Section Commander Hange again, to feel the warmth of her smile. To have the opportunity to serve under Captain Levi, or maybe even just have him be cold to me once again. For the commander to call me 'kid' one more time. I was scared, and even though all of that was barely familiar, I hoped for its return, because at least it was predictable. After one conversation, I knew I could count on Captain Levi's harshness and in these moments of fear of my undecided future, I only felt safe with something I could predict and depend on.

I was barely listening as the speaker from the MPs came forward and didn't pick up anything the man was saying until he said, "a swell of rebellious sentiment. For the greater good, after we have gathered all the information that we can from her, we would see her made a fallen warrior of humanity."

I had been trying to catch his eyes with my own. To make him look at me, to see that I wasn't this threat that everyone thought I was, but the man who's name I hadn't even heard was interrupted.

"Unacceptable!" The man yelled, he was a 'holy' man. One of the crazy wing nuts who worshiped the walls like gods, "This venomous fiend has defiled the mighty wall..."

I stopped listening to him. It would be like listening to a baby babble on incessantly and then truly agreeing with them if I had continued to listen and agree as many others in the room had.

"And now I'd like to hear the Scout Regiment's proposed plan." the grayed Commander said from his seat, side eyeing the 'holy' man.

"Yes, sir," Commander Erwin said, I hope this is a good argument Commander or I am so freaking dead, "As commander of the Survey Corps, I, Erwin Smith, propose the following:Let Erin join our ranks. Reinstate her as a full member of the Scouts, and we will utilize her Titan ability to retake Wall Maria." I was looking directly at him, but he wouldn't look me in the eyes. He was staring at the wall behind me. Damn it! Someone look me in the eye! Its weird, eye contact is usually awkward, but it would make me feel a lot better right about now!

I waited for the commander to continue but he just said, "That is all."

WHAT?! That's it? I am most definitely dying today. Thank you for nothing commander moron!

"Hm...Is that it?" the grayed Commander asked. Thank you, sir! Even you see the stupidity of such a short argument when it comes to the decision of ones life!

"Yes. With his assistance, sir, I'm certain we can reclaim Wall Maria. Ergo, I believe our top priority is perfectly clear."

"Quite bold," the grayed Commander agreed with Commander Erwin. "Assuming you were given clearance. Where do you plan to launch this operation from?" The grayed Commander turned his attention to Commander Pyxis.

"Commander Pyxis," he said, "The wall in Trost District has been completely sealed. Is that correct?"

"Yes," Commander Pyxis told him, "I doubt it's gate will ever open again."

Commander Erwin spoke again, "We'll depart from Calaneth District, to the east. From there, we'll make for Shiganshina. A new route can be established as we proceed."

A man yelled his opposition, "But that's ridiculous! Our time and money will be better spent sealing up all the gates! They're the only parts of the Wall that the Colossal Titan can break, right? Let's reinforce the blasted things and wash our hands of the entire affair!"

A scout yelled back their own protest, "Shut your mouth, you spineless merchant dog! With a titan on our side, we can finally return to Wall Maria!"

Another merchant said, "We can't afford any more of your childish antics or your delusions of grandeur!"

Captain Levi was the next to speak. I stopped searching the room for the other speakers and let my eyes stick to him even after he'd finished speaking.

"Squealing louder won't help in your case, pig. While we're bolstering our defenses, do you think the titans are going to stand idly by? And when you say 'we can't afford,' do you speak for anyone other than your fat merchant friends? Do you pigs even realize that most of our people are struggling just to survive off what little land we have left?"

Wow, Captain. You just shut down their whole argument. The next one to try and defend their point is going to look like a greedy moron.

A merchant, however dumb he sounded, argued back, "I'm simply saying that sealing the gates is the only guaranteed protection we've got!"

"Hold your tongue, you vile, belligerent heretic!" The 'holy' man standing beside him screamed in his face, "Are you really suggesting that we lowly humans meddle with Wall Rose, a gift to us from on high? The wall is a miracle, and its divinity transcends human comprehension! Don't you understand?" He kept arguing but I stopped listening. At the very least, those who believed his moronic points pushed people farther away from the Lord and the MPs' side.

The graying Commander banged his hand on the table, just loud enough for all to hear him over the arguing, "Order!" he called, "I ask that you save your personal sentiments for a more appropriate venue." Yes, let's get back to whether or not I'm getting killed today, "Now then, Ms. Jaeger, I have a question for you. As a soldier you have made a solemn pledge to answer humanity's call. Can you still serve by controlling your ability?"

"Yes!" I told him, and for the first time since he walked him I looked up and into his eyes, doing every thing I could to convey my seriousness, "I will, sir."

"Oh, is that so?" Oh no. I don't like where this is going, "But this report from the Battle for Trost contradicts that statement." He read from the paper, summarizing it for the room, "Just after transforming, it seems that you made an attempt to crush Mikasa Ackerman."

My head whipped around to face her and Armin. She had a hand over her mouth and Armin's eyes had gone wide. Well, surely this is the end. If nothing else has been detrimental to my case, this most certainly is.

Just before the grayed Commander asked who Mikasa Ackerman was, Mikasa looked to the soldier beside her with a great deal of anger. I take it they wrote the report. Thank you, now I get to die. Maybe I deserve it though. If I went berserk and almost killed her, then I'm a danger to everyone. If in my titan form I could attack Mikasa, who's to say Armin wasn't next. Maybe I deserve to be experimented on then left to rot in an unmarked grave.

Mikasa talked to the grayed commander and told him the truth, Erin Jaeger nearly killed her as a titan before she could gain control. Its good, even if she wanted to lie, it was better she told the truth. It could have gotten her in huge trouble.

I tried to kill Mikasa... What the hell is the matter with me?! I couldn't face her or Armin. I looked down at me knees only to look up again when she said, "However, she also saved my life twice before. And in each circumstance he was using his Titan ability. The first: shortly after Trost fell. I was nearly killed by a titan. But then Erin came. She stepped in and protected me. The second time: he transformed to shield Armin and me from canon fire. I implore you to take these facts into consideration."

The man from the MPs stepped forward, "Objection! I have reason to believe that personal feelings play a large part in her testimony. Let the record show that Mikasa Ackerman was orphaned at a young age and was subsequently taken in by the Jaeger family. What's more, our own internal investigation into this matter led to a most shocking discovery. Erin Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman, at the tender age of nine dealt with three adult kidnappers by stabbing them all to death. Granted this was done in self defense. All the same, I cannot help but question, the violent nature of the act. Knowing all of this, should we really invest in her? Money, manpower. Perhaps the very fate of us all?"

I was getting nervous. I looked to Commander Erwin and Captain Levi. Captain Levi looked unamused and Commander Erwin was stone faced. Come on, guys, please don't let me die here!

There were murmurs amongst the crowd, and soon I was being accused of being a titan spy. That was okay but then the finger was pointed at Mikasa.

"I bet she's one too! Dissect her too just to be safe!"

That was the last straw for me. Cool and calm were out the window.

"Now hold on a second!" I yelled over their accusations, "Maybe I'm a monster that you want dead, but you leave her out of this! She's innocent!"

People yelled, calling me a liar and I yelled back, telling them over and over it was the truth.

"Stop it!" I screamed as loud as I could, struggling against my restraints until their groans and clattering was the loudest noise in the room._ Yeah, _I thought_, you better be scared. _

"You're wrong. About it all." I didn't have to yell anymore, the rest of the room had gone silent. My voice was a bit hoarse and my throat burned but I kept speaking, "But you're so intent on pushing selfish agendas, you're blind to what's in front of you."

"Wait," a merchant said, "What do you mean?"

"What does it even matter?" I shot back. What am I saying, I thought. "None of you have even seen a titan, so why're you so afraid, huh?"_ Maybe I should just keep quiet..._ No, if they want to kill me, I'll let them know exactly what I think. There's no sense in having a power if you're not going to use it to fight! If you're too scared to fight for your lives, fine. Let me do it! You... You're all cowards!" I could hear there murmurs as I continued, "Just shut up and put all your faith in me!"

I could feel the pole shake as I yelled and struggled, hoping someone would hear me, that someone would know I was human too. That I made mistakes, but I was still learning, and that I could do some real good for humanity if they would only let me.

The room was stunned to silence and suddenly before the guards could point their guns at me, I felt a kick land across my cheek.

One of my teeth slid across the floor, and I looked up to Captain Levi standing over me. He kicked me again, this time in the stomach, before grabbing me by my hair and pulling me to my feet. My face was inches from his and it took all my strength not to spit in his face. Some ally he turned out to be!

He kicked again, this time landing his knee on to my temple, and he just kept hitting to everyone's astonishment. I could see Armin holding Mikasa's hand, keeping her back from the action, out of my slightly swelled closed eye, and felt the blood dripping from my nose and gushing from my mouth. Captain Levi stuck his boot up again, and this time forced my head down into the ground, hard enough to hear the slight crunch of bone. I could hardly hear him as he spoke.

"You kno...lly...thing...line...pain...goo...ing-to...at...eed...irl...aught...son...en...be...ing...ion." What?

Before I could make sense of anything he'd just said, he kicked again, and this time I gasped a little harder as the darkness started to close in. I didn't let it over take my vision though. I with stood his beating until someone called out to the Captain.

"Now hold on, Levi!"

I know that the Captain replied, but my hearing was shot at that point. The bottom of his boot was pressed into my noise, and suddenly the pressure was gone. He kicked again, and I heard faint murmurs as the Captain spoke to someone. Who was he talking to? What was happening right now? So much for allies, huh, Captain?

There was more talking. This time, a new set of people, I think it was the Commanders.

Captain Levi's foot disappeared and I braced for another impact that didn't come. I'd lost all control of my body and the darkness had nearly conquered me. I was toppled over as far as my restraints allowed, my torso hanging limply in the air. I wasn't sure who exactly had me, but I was dragged out of the court room by two sets of arms and laid down somewhere not much later. That was when the darkness look total control and I was lost to the abyss of sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for reading everyone and enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 4

When I woke, I was on a couch of some sort in a new room with a window and no handcuffs. Section Commander Hange sat in a chair beside the couch.

"Welcome back to the land of the living!" she exclaimed.

I jumped a bit, but quickly settled down. I didn't know where I was or how long I'd been there.

"How about we get you fixed up?" She held up a first aid kit and I nodded, letting her go to work on me. I could still feel a sting in my throat and didn't bother trying to talk yet.

She talked while she was fixing me up. "Well, that went better than I expected." What the hell did she mean by that! I was just brutalized by someone I used to look up to and now all I really want to do is punch him in the face or knee him in the balls or really just do anything to make him feel a fraction of the pain I was feeling currently. Just because I heal freakishly fast does not mean I didn't feel all of that!

I flinched when she wiped antiseptic on a cotton swab across a cut on my cheek, and she said, "Does that hurt?"

"Yeah." I choked out.

"Yeah? Describe it to me!" the Section Commander was a little over excited. She set her instruments down and gave me a glass of water. "Drink it." she ordered, shoving it into my hand.

"Sorry for all that." I whipped my head around and saw Commander Erwin standing by the window, Captain Levi not to far away. I hadn't even realized there were other people in the room.

Commander Erwin continued, "But the theatrics did get you placed in our custody."

I forced a smile. _Theatrics?!_ I thought, _Theatrics means being dramatic, not letting your sadistic buddy beat the crap out of me in front of a court room full of people!_ But, what I ended up saying was, "No, I understand." I don't want to break Captain Levi's skull open or anything, let's move on before I blow my top.

"I can assure you the pain was worth it." Commander Erwin told me. Yeah, I told myself, I'll make it worth my while and pay Captain Levi back double, "We played our trump card at the perfect time." the commander explained, "You have my utmost respect."

The commander had walked over from the window, and laid a hand on my shoulder. It hurt like hell but I did my best not to make a face. He released it and held a hand out for a shake. I took it.

"Erin," he told me, "I'm glad you're on our team."

I was so flabbergasted that I didn't know what to say, so I just smiled and told him what I think he wanted to hear, "Uh? Me, too! Glad to be here, sir!"

Captain Levi walked over, grabbing the back of the couch behind me and sat down beside me. I jumped, moving farther away, and he almost seemed to chuckle a bit under his breath, but I think I was just imagining it.

"So, Erin." Captain Levi said.

"Yes, sir." I said uncomfortably, hands grasped in fists on my legs.

"You don't resent me now, do you?" he asked._ Uh oh._

"No, I can see that what you did was necessary, sir." I told him. Yeah, I don't really resent him, but if the opportunity arose to 'accidentally' let go of a practice sword at just the right time and angle to hit him in the face, I might just take that as an invitation from fate.

"Good then you understand." he said, but good old Section Commander Hange jumped in to make the point I was not about to try making.

"Still!" She said, "Don't you think you went too far? I mean you knocked her tooth out! She has such nice teeth! Neat, huh?" she asked as she unwrapped my knocked out tooth from a handkerchief.

"You picked it up?" Captain Levi asked, "How disgusting." Not one for germs and cooties, Captain?

"This is a precious sample I'll have you know!" The Section Commander argued.

"Hey, just be glad people like that aren't dissecting you." Captain Levi told me. I guess I had a bit of a surprised look on my face.

"Don't you dare to compare me with them!" The Section Commander told him, "I would never even dream of killing her!" She turned her attention from Levi to me, "Hey, Erin. Let me take a look inside that mouth of yours!"

I didn't really want to refuse her. If anything I was afraid to make her my enemy, so compliance seemed like the best idea. I opened my mouth she she could take a look, and all of a sudden she was grabbing my jaw, forcing my mouth open farther.

"Your tooth..." she said, inspecting my mouth much too closely for comfort, "It grew back."

* * *

In the woods between Wall Rose and Wall Sina, stood an old castle, the grounds of the Old Scout Regiment Head Quarters, but now the location was completely useless. Don't get me wrong. It's a beautiful place, but its so impractical and much to far from the wall and the rivers for the Scouts to actually use it a lot.

A Scout, Orou, was explaining all of this to me. He said, "This was the early days for us, you understand. Hopes soared high. Now, this opulent bauble is a little more than a holding cell. The place where we store our newest toy."

I looked around at the rest of the group I was riding horseback with and my eyes fell on Captain Levi. He was starring right at me. What that why I felt a set of holes slowly being burned into my back?

"Don't be deceived, greenhorn." Orou told me.

"Excuse me?" I asked.

"Don't be expecting the royal treatment. Whether you're titan or human, don't imagine for a second we all share the good Captain's enthusi-" He was cut of when his horse tripped and he bit his tongue.

* * *

When we arrived to the Headquarters, another Scout, Petra, said to Orou, "That's what you get for flapping you jowls on horseback."

"The rookie needed to know his place. First impressions are important." Orou insisted. No I didn't. I've always known. I'm inferior to all of you, who are amazing. My only advantage is that I can turn into a titan and all that has done is nearly made me kill my best friend and nearly gotten me killed by the government because I was a danger to the public welfare.

"Well you certainly made an impression on her." Petra joked, "No question there."

"Indeed so," Orou replied, "Our exchange went exactly as planned."

"What... What happened to you?" Petra asked, "You never used to talk like this. I mean. It's really none of my business, but if you're trying to act like the Captain, its kind of embarrassing. You and Levi couldn't be less alike if you'd been born separate species."

"If you intend to hound me like a wife, Petra, dear," Orou teased, "there's rather more or me you need to be acquainted with before laying claim to the privilege."

Ugh... I feel dirty just having heard that. Gross!

"Ha! You wish! I'd tell you to bite your tongue, but you've got that covered. Next time I hope you bleed out." Petra shot back. Atta girl! Give it to him!

"Oh-ho-ho, Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

This is the Scouts' Special Operations Squad, the 'Levi' Squad. Ugh... I didn't know a nickname could be that dorky and narcissistic at the same time. They seem pretty close. At least these two seem pretty friendly.

Everyone here is hand picked by Captain Levi. They all have incredible track record in the field, and they'd all be invaluable in the field if there came a time when Levi needed an assist in getting rid of me.

The Head Quarters hasn't been used in a long time. The outside was over run with weeds, dirt and grime clinging to the outer walls and I assumed the inside wouldn't be much better.

As the soldiers all discussed the condition of their Regiment Head Quarters, Captain Levi walked over and said, "In which case we have a problem, don't we? Best grab a broom and get to work."

He did not look amused. I was right behind the men in hopping to it. I was too scared of getting kicked again after I'd finally healed to even look like I was discontented by his order. Don't get me wrong I'll probably spend the rest of my life wanting to give him a good old ass kicking, but I don't think I'll ever indulge that fantasy.

Chandeliers and shelves and furniture were dusted, floors swept, and the windows thrown open to let in some fresh, non-stale air. Soldiers repelled off the roof top to wash the outward windows and soon I was done with my assignment.

"I'm done with the upstairs." I told the captain before quickly adding, "Sir." I paused as he turned away from the window he'd thrown open and asked, "If I may ask, where will I be expected to sleep?"

"Your sleeping quarters are in the cellar," He almost seemed smug about it. I wanted to wipe that look right off his face.

"The cellar?" I asked, my voice obviously conveying my frustration with the assignment, "But, sir, again?"

"Our safest option," he told me. Yeah for you, "Your abilities are far from being under control. You might go Titan in your sleep. One of the conditions of my having you in custody at all is that I keep you under strict security morning, noon, and night. While we're in dreamland, you're in restraints. That's the rule. I'll check your work. Take over here, I want it spotless."

"Yes, sir." I frowned as he marched off upstairs to see how I'd done. I crossed my arms against my chest and leaned on the wall beside the window. Might as well breath the fresh air before the Captain takes it away again.

Petra came around the corner, broom in hand, and said, "Oh, Erin, try not to be so discouraged!" I turned my head to face her, "Sorry, I hope you don't mind me calling you, Erin. I notice the Captain does and, well, he pretty much sets the tone for the rest of us."

I didn't mind at all. I liked that someone was finally being friendly toward me again.

"Whatever." I told her, "It's just that... Did I really look discouraged, or were you just saying that?"

"Everyone reacts that way. Up close and personal, Captain Levi doesn't seem much like the hero he's cracked up to be. For one thing he's a lot shorter."

I couldn't help it, I busted out laughing at that and Petra giggled a bit too.

"Bit on the temperamental side, too. Not exactly imbued with what you'd call the social graces." she added. I laughed even harder, clutching my stomach and doubling over a bit.

When I finally got a hold of myself, I wiped a tear from my eyes and said, "It's not that. I'm more put off by the seriousness. He's so dead earnest about following the higher-ups' rules."

"Let me guess. You think strength means living by your own rules, flouting everyone else's?"

"Well, he just didn't strike me as the type to take orders." I rolled my eyes a bit a Petra giggled.

"Time was, he would've lived up to your expectations. That's what I understand anyway. I don't have the details. Story goes he was quite the rogue before joining the scouts. A high roller in the Capital's black market."

"How the hell did he... I mean..."

"No clue," Petra laughed again, "Folks talk, but who knows what really brought him here, right? The most popular version involves Erwin. They say he dragged him to the scouts kicking and screaming." I couldn't imagine that somehow it only ever seemed right it was Levi doing the dragging.

"The commander?" I asked through a laugh, barely getting the words out.

"What's going on?" Captain Levi asked, rounding the corner and walking into our conversation. My back immediately straightened the laughter gone.

"Sir." I said, standing tall and at attention while Petra went back to sweeping like nothing had happened.

"You're cleaning is lamentable. Back upstairs. Now." he didn't look too amused.

"Its why I'm a soldier, not a housewife, sir." I told him as I headed back upstairs. Petra was choking down her laughter. I only caught a quick glimpse of the Captain's face as I passed, but I could have almost swore he _wasn't_ frowning.


	5. Chapter 5

**To answer the question: How much of this story will follow the canon and how much will be deviated? From Traitor of All Traitors**

**First off, thanks for your question and letting me know about the Eren v Erin spelling thing. That happens sometimes especially when I'm doing direct dialogue from the canon. I went back and checked all the chapters I've put up so far to make sure they follow the same pattern and will do my best to prevent that in the future. To answer your question, I am not sure at all how much will follow the canon v deviating. I sit in front of a computer and just spit out entire chapters when I have the time, and the story takes me where is may as I write. Sometimes I expand upon something that happened, give more context or dialogue to a scene, or maybe change a conversation just enough to be more interesting or totally exclude a conversation and let it happen at a different time, in the future when there is more built up emotion. So long story short, I can't really know for sure, because my sassy, come-back queen, fem!eren takes me for the ride and I just write what she tells me. **

**Thanks for reading everybody, enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 5

I was supposed to spend the day with Section Commander Hange running tests on her titan subjects, bean and... I'm so tired I don't even remember what the other's name was. We'd stayed up all night so she could explain to me everything I would need to know in great detail. The worst part was that she didn't even tell me anything new, I'd learned it all in cadet training.

When we arrived at the site that morning to start the new tests, the Section Commander was heartbroken to find that her precious test subjects had been murdered. I watch in disbelief as their bones emitted nasty clouds of titan smoke. When Commander Erwin grabbed my shoulders, I jumped a good few inches in the air.

"Commander?" I'd asked

"Who do you think did it?" he asked me.

I thought about those words a lot. What had he meant? Was he asking me because I had a trustworthy person to vouch for my whereabouts the entire night? Or was there another reason... Something I hadn't even thought to consider.

It got to the point that I would call the investigation a witch hunt. Everyone had their equipment checked, including my cadet class. They found nothing, but Section Commander Hange didn't want to give it up. In the short time I'd known her, she'd never reacted to anything like this. She was out for blood, serious and determined to get vengeance for her test subject pets. The only other time I'd seen her serious was when she left me to go to trial, that had been nothing compared to this.

In the 30 days before we were set to go on my first real mission with the scouts, a lot happened. Mikasa and Armin, along with a handful of other cadets from our training group joined up with the scouts. Since we were all new, Captain Levi spent copious amounts of time having us learn the Commander's 'fool proof' riding strategy that would help us plow a path straight through to Wall Maria and Shiganshina.

I knew the Captain was not happy with how many greenhorns were coming on this mission with his people, but he didn't get much choice in the matter. He was going on this mission because he was someone Commander Erwin trusted to follow his orders. From what I've seen, Commander Erwin, Section Commander Hange, and Captain Levi have a crazy amount of trust in each other. Their bond is strong, probably unbreakable, forged in the heat of countless battles against the titans. Petra, Orou, Gunther, and Eld have a similar bond and trust in each other, but I'm not sure any bond could be as strong as the others'. The only bond I think is stronger, without a doubt, is mine with Armin and Mikasa. We grew up, survived an atrocity, lived on the streets as refugees, lost all our parents, became cadets, and were now scouts. We did all of that together. We were family.

At the trial, Captain Levi had said it was all or nothing, I survived as a good titan following orders or the second I stepped out of line I was dead. The captain had taken that back. Apparently there was a way to stop me, kill my titan body but spare me. The cuts had to be extremely precise and it would be extremely dangerous. He'd gotten angry when I told him I didn't want anyone getting hurt because they thought they had a system to stop and save me if I went berserk again. I didn't want to risk anyone else's lives.

When we rode out the morning of our mission, Captain Levi didn't really talk to me. That was okay, I didn't need him drawing my attention away from the mission objective and my personal mission. Our mission objective was to reach Shiganshina and find what Dad was hiding in the basement and return. My personal mission was to keep my friends alive.

As we rode I saw smoke of a whole range of colors flying up. Red, yellow, and green, passing on predetermined messages amongst the ranks. I was in the center rear ranks. I could see everything. Every smoke signal from the general direction of Mikasa and Armin's groups made me more anxious. I didn't truly panic though, until I saw a stream of black smoke rise from what I knew for nearly certain to be Armin's position. Petra could see my hesitation, she grabbed my reigns, forcing me and my horse to keep pace. There was no room for feelings. She wasn't about to let me get the squad killed so I could go after Armin.

"Trust the plan, Erin." She told me, and when she decided I wasn't a flight risk, she gave my reigns back.

I nodded and got ride of my previous objective. 'Stay cool. Talk calmly. Survive.' was now 'Trust the plan.'

As the plumes of black smoke grew closer, I knew the abnormal was picking its way through the ranks, but why was it so determined to plow right through us? Was it intelligent? Was it hoping to find some of the higher-ups at the center?

It didn't matter. If it made it this far, I would kill it. Who knew how many of our men it had already killed...eaten. When it gets close, I'll kill the bastard. Just like I told to Captain, 'I'll kill every titan that crosses my path.'

I heard pops as more smoke signals flew up into the midday sky, and knew it was an order for Commander Erwin in the front. He wanted us to change course. What were we trying to avoid? A titan? If that were true, Armin's group would be crushed when it approached, killed out of nowhere from a blind side. I prayed someone would be paying attention.

Suddenly the ranks to our left and right were ordered to stop. We were riding toward a forest of enormous trees that stood taller than the walls. My group followed a narrow path through the forest. The ranks to our left and right were ordered to take to the trees surrounding the forest, not titan was to get through.

This was not in the plan. Why hadn't we just taken a route that allowed us to avoid the forest all together. It wouldn't have been much farther off course. At least our gear would be of some use here. We could take off into the trees if need be. I didn't know what the ranks ahead of us were doing, and no one in my squad knew what the plan was. We weren't even sure if Captain Levi knew the plan. He wouldn't answer us when we asked for orders. All he said was to keep riding.

A shot of black smoke went up behind us. The abnormal was in the forest with us.

"Damn thing's been on our ass since we came in here." Eld said.

"Blades drawn, now."Captain Levi ordered, "It'll happen in the blink of an eye. Be ready."

Thunderous footsteps shook the ground behind us and an enormous female titan emerged from the trees, chasing us down the path. The groups behind us were being wiped out. I saw a man swatted out of her face like a fly as she continued running. She was killing, and she wasn't eating. What was she after?

"Go! Move it!" the Captain yelled from the front, but I was almost too scared to move.

She ran off the path, trying to out run our horses and flank us from the right side, but she was too late, only knocking one of the enormous trees over our heads. It splintered as it connected with a few others. As soon as the monster regained her footing, she was once again on our six.

I looked back in disbelief of what was happening around me, and spurred my horse on, urging it to run fast, to carry me away from this death machine.

"Holy shit!" Gunther yelled, "How the hell are we supposed to pull evasive maneuvers in here?"

That's right, were weren't supposed to engage any titans today, we were trying to evade them, to get past them sneakily, preserve our man power and our strength for harsher battles. In this moment I couldn't imagine a worse battle than this. The death and destruction I witnessed today would haunt me for the rest of my life. My first mission outside the safety of wall Rose.

"It's catching up!" Eld said, his eyes widening with fear. I was the greenhorn, but I had to remember, I wasn't the only one who was scared to die.

"Captain!" Petra yelled to Levi, "Engage the ODM gear?" I was praying again, hoping he would say yes. That we could engage. That I could titan out and kill this beast.

Levi hadn't responded so Petra tried again, this time a little louder, "Captain?"

I could soldiers engaging the she-beast in the trees, but I had a feeling this would only turn out badly. Petra on the other hand seemed optimistic.

"Rear Reinforcements." She almost sounded like she was cheering. She was relieved to say the absolute least, they all were, that is until the female titan killed them without so much as a second glance.

"Captain! Your orders!" Petra screamed. At least I wasn't the only one coping by hanging on his every word.

"It's dangerous! Let's take it out!" Orou yelled from the back, "Tell us to engage, sir!"

"I'll cut the bitch!" Eld told us.

I had hope, they weren't scared as much as they were itching to kill it and be done with.

Stupid creature, I thought, Your racing full speed to your own death! You're chasing the best damn team of Titan-slayers in existence!

When I faced back to the front, I called out, "Captain?"

Petra was yelling too, "Captain!"

"We need your orders sir!"

"She's gaining on us! Let's just take her out!"

"That's the whole reason we're here, isn't it? Right, sir? Captain!"

"Captain!"

"Your orders, sir! Please!" I didn't know who had spoke before me anymore. They were just a cluster of pleading voices, and now I was joining the chorus.

"Everyone," the captain said, oh thank gods, he's finally going to let us fight! "Cover your ears. Now."

I'm sorry... what?! I wasn't the only confused one either. The whole group seemed to doubt his order. We all complied when we saw the smoke bomb launcher in his hand. He was sending off a signal, but which one? Would the groups in front of us even see it through the dense foliage? Would they even hear the shot go off with the wind rushing past their ears at this speed? We were doomed if this didn't work and the Captain still denied us the order to fight.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks for reading everyone, and enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 6

When the Captain pulled the trigger, I at first thought he'd forgotten to load the gun, but then a high pitch frequency rang out around us, and I knew why we'd been ordered to cover our ears. He'd fired off an acoustic round. I asked him if that was what I thought just to be sure.

"Remind me. What is our mission?" Captain Levi asked me, _excuse me? Are you sure you should be leading us right now, sir? Did that acoustic round scramble your brain as well as your hearing?_ "Is it to simply act on impulse in the heat of the moment? Let me answer that question for you. It's not. This squad's mission is to keep this brat alive, whatever the cost. Don't forget it."

I'm sorry... what?! I do not need anyone in this squad giving up their life for me, Captain! You can all keep your lives! I thought you were all just here to police me, you're here for my protection. Again, I don't want your protection! No one needs to die for me today! If we fight now, we all get out of this alive.

"We keep pushing forward on horseback," Captain Levi ordered, "Is that clear?"

The group around me agreed. I only realized then that they were in a protective formation, one of them of both my left and right, two lagging behind me and the captain riding out in the front like a protective shield.

"But for how long?" I challenged him... maybe not the best idea now that I think back or in the moment either. I wanted to rile him up. To make him mad enough to order them to fight in spite of me. "We can't keep running forever! She's right on top of us as it is." I check our rear as we continued watching her chase us and feeling my heart fill with a sickly sense of dread. "If we don't do something soon-"

I stopped myself talking, but couldn't tear my eyes away as I watched the titan kill more of the Rear Reinforcements.

"No!" I screamed, turning back to the captain, "They keep coming! They're all gonna die unless we turn around and do something! Please, Captain!"

Gunther cut in before Levi could say anything, "Eyes front! Stop lookin' behind us!"

"Seriously?" I argued with him.

"Keep pace with the group!" Eld ordered me, "Maintain top speed or we're all dead!"

"Eld, please!" I begged, "Help them! If the Levi Squad can't stop this thing, then who can? Those men need us! You more than me!"

The titan killed more of them and I only begged more.

"Another one!" I cried, "Damn it! He didn't have to die!" I looked around the group, but no one would meet my eyes as I kept pleading with them, "Come on, there's still one left. We can save him before it's too late!"

"Do as you're told, Erin! Eyes forward!" It was Petra ordering me this time. I didn't want to argue with her, but it wasn't a matter of whether or not it was something I wanted to do. It was a matter of me doing everything I could to try and save a man's life.

"How can all of you just ignore what's happening back there? Are you telling me to abandon my comrades? Is that it?"

"Damn it! Yes!" She didn't look any more comfortable with the idea than I did. "Stop whining and do as your captain tells you!"

So that was how she was going to live with it. All the blame was going on Levi in her mind, because he wouldn't authorize a fight. That was one way to cope. Another was to just go ahead and ignore that we were ordered to stand down.

"Why are we letting people die? If this is part of some bigger picture, why can't someone explain it to me?" I yelled. Maybe if I put enough doubt in their heads they would stop blindly following the Captain and just listen to me.

"'Ask not the reason why, ask but to do and die!'" Orou yelled at me in reply. "You'd understand what that meant if you weren't such a useless greenhorn! Now stifle it. Behave like a soldier!"

I knew what that meant. It meant to follow orders without question or you'd die. That's something for people interested most by self preservation. I am not motivated by self preservation. I am motivated by a will to kill titans and save the lives of others, innocents and soldiers.

"No." I said, drawing my sword. I wasn't a normal soldier, Orou. I could destroy this thing! If Levi would only give me one god damn chance.

I lifted my right hand to my face, ready to bite down. To go titan. To save that man behind us and all of us at the same time. I can do this with out them. I did it before I can do it again. I don't need anyone else. I'm a one woman wrecking machine. I can be a squad all on my own.

"Erin! Stop it!" Petra moved a close as she dared at this pace, swatting my arm with her hand. She could barely reach me, it was nothing more than a tap, but it had an affect. Why was that? And what did she have to say?

"You're only permitted to assume Titan form when your life's in extreme peril. That was the agreement, you swore an oath!" I would say my life is in a lot of danger right now, Petra, wrong road to go with this argument. She shouldn't be arguing with me. She should let me save my own life and hers along with it.

"Erin!" she was begging now.

"I wouldn't blame you." The captain's words caught everyone's attention, "Do as your conscience dictates. But Erin, listen. You are not inherently evil. Your ability to change doesn't make you a monster. That said, it could be the other way around. How are you supposed to know where to draw the line? Whether to lose control or freely give it up. Maybe it's the same."

I started to think of the day I told him what I wanted to do. The day he told me he would make me a scout.

"Look, Erin," he told me, "We don't agree because our experience brings opposing views, that's life. At the end of the day, there's no reason to go against how you see it. The choice is yours. You can only trust yourself. Or you can trust the people willing to put their lives on the line for you. I don't know which way is better. I never have. Should I act on my own instincts, or put myself in the hands of my comrades and trust them. Either way, there's no guarantee. In the end, you choose what you choose. If afterward your regrets are at a minimum, good for you. If they are at a high point, learn from your mistake and never let it happen again. Do everything in your power."

I lowered my hand as I thought over his words. To act or stand idly by. If not me then who? Be the change you want to see, Erin!

"Erin!" Petra caught my eye, "Trust us."

I froze. My hand hung in mid air, halfway between my reigns and my mouth, but all I could think about was the last time she'd asked me to do the same thing. She was less scared and on less of an adrenaline high. It had just been a regular day...


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi everyone! Yes, I changed my username(for good reason; I wanted it to match my fiction press user ID). Anyway, thank you for reading and enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 7

After all that time, biting my hand and fingers in the bottom of the well, I still couldn't shift into a titan. The Section Commander and Captain Levi were disappointed.

"If you can't change, our plans for Wall Maria go up in smoke. Pull it together. And yes, that is an order!"

The captain was so angry with me. I just wanted to apologize and try again, to figure it out, to focus on _anything_ but his words. I can't stand it when he's mad at me.

"It was foolish to think you could change on command." the Captain had said. Letting down my childhood idol is the worst.

When I'd discussed it with the rest of Levi Squad later on, they'd all seemed damn near content with the fact I couldn't change into a titan at current. Without my titan form I wasn't a threat to them.

Had it been a one time thing? I wasn't even healing. I'd bitten myself well over a dozen times in the well today and had no luck. It all had gotten me thinking. If I couldn't shift, what was the captain going to do to me?

I twirled my spoon between my fingers as I considered the days events. My worries swirled like a hurricane annihilating every other thought that crossed their path. When I let my eyes wander from my spinning spoon to the captain as I pondered my future, I lost control of my twirling and if fell to the ground.

_Damn it,_ I thought, _that sucks, now its all dirty, and if Captain Levi sees me pick this up and use it again he might totally lose it one me._

I reached for it, but my arms weren't getting there on their own, so I leaned over, gripping the edge of the table with my good hand for balance. If I fell face first on the ground in front of Levi Squad, I would never live it down.

I stretched my heavily bandaged fingers to grab my utensil, but as soon as I did, I felt the cuts on my hands open up.

I hissed. _That stings like a bitch._

I felt another sensation as finally the spoon came within my reach. This one was familiar in the worst way possible.

With a strike of golden lightning, a cloud of titan smoke appeared around me out of nowhere. I screamed as I felt myself shifting into a titan, my right hand being weighed down by an enormous rib cage and right arm, but it stopped there. Had I stopped it, or was is sheer luck that I hadn't full transformed?

I tried desperately to rip my hand free from the body, but it was stuck, fused into the incomplete monster.

Tears stung my eyes and I feared what would happen next. I was waiting, barely breathing, for the slash from Captain Levi's sword that would kill me, the strike that never came. I heard an argument behind me, but was too focused on Orou who stood in front of me, swords drawn. A tear fell down my cheek as I tried to talk to him.

"Orou? Listen to me." I was trying to calm him, to convince him I wasn't the enemy, "Put the sword down." I continued to yank my arm, futilely attempting to free it from the corpse. My eyes never left Orou's as he approached me, slowly moving in closer and closer for a kill shot.

"Calm down." Captain Levi ordered from behind me. I turned my eyes toward him, mistakenly thinking Orou was listening to him.

"I'm sorry, Captain. I...I don't know how I-!" I cut myself off. He wasn't talking to me, wasn't even looking at me. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't hear me at all. He was too focused on his objective. He needed to talk Petra, Eld, and Gunther into laying down their weapons.

"The situation is complicated. Now," he ordered, hand extended to them, attempting to coax them into sheathing their swords, "Calm down."

I heard mutters coming from Orou's direction, but this time when I turned to him and made eye contact, he was angry. He came closer until I was backing myself off the edge of the corpse trying to escape him, but I was trapped.

"Titan bitch!" he yelled, charging at me. I screamed, pitiful and useless. I had no weapon, no means of protecting myself from a sword made for slicing flesh and bone. I threw up my left hand in front of my face to at least try and use it as a barrier, but no such luck. Orou's sword slashed downward at an angle where it entirely missed my arm and sliced deeply, maybe 4 inches or so, into my shoulder.

The whole scene went silent, not even the wind dared to blow. The sound of Orou's sword ripping through the air, burying itself in my shoulder was a sickening swipe and crunch noise, but the metal on metal clang as two swords clashed afterward rang out in my ears over and over.

Captain Levi now stood atop to corpse with Orou and I. The sword in his right hand was countering Orou's pushing it upwards, slowly withdrawing it from my shoulder. The sword in the captain's left hand was up in front of him and I, in a defensive position should Orou attempt to attack again. My back was pressed to his chest, protecting the nape of my neck with his own body. His squad couldn't risk injuring their captain. He was making himself into a human shield.

The look on his face was unmistakable. He was daring anyone to try something again. I wanted to close my eyes, to wipe my tears, but I had no feeling in my left arm and the right was still trapped.

As I heard Section Commander Hange emerging from the woods quite a distance away, her aid hot on her heels, I fell to one knee. Orou's sword was completely withdrawn and Captain Levi made no attempt to stop my fall. He let me curl up where my right hand was still attached, then stood in front of me like a loyal guardian. He was determined to not let me die.

The Section Commander was closer at that point and she could almost see what was happening. It only hastened her approach.

The captain was arguing with the others. They wanted me to prove I wasn't hostile. They wanted the Captain to step away. They wanted to kill me. I'm not sure I blame them. Maybe now was a good time, maybe killing me now, before I could hurt anyone else was the right idea. I'd tried to crush Mikasa as a titan. That was unforgivable.

I yelled for all of them to be quiet. I needed to think, to breathe, to collect myself before I even tried to explain what was happening.

I was dead quiet, we were at a stalemate, but then the Section Commander was finally close enough for me to make out her screams.

"Erin! Erin!" she yelled, hearts in her eyes, "I wanna touch the arm! I wanna touch the arm! Pretty please with sugar on top! Let me touch this glorious thing!" she seemed to be entranced, practically foaming at the mouth. I think she might actually have been drooling a bit too. All that time working with creatures that would like to eat you? I would probably be happy to have a test subject that can both respond to my questions and let me run the test without trying to kill me.

"I don't think that's such a good- Wait! No!" I told her as she reached for the palm of the titan hand.

She laughed, a bit creepily, but only until her bare hands made contact with the titan's though. Then she started yelling again, "Argh! Son of a bitch! That mother is_ hot_ when there's no skin. This is the best day in the history of science!"

Her aide had finally caught up and started to chew her out. I think his name is Moblit. He said, "You're a maniac! You hear me? A maniac!"

The Section Commander only laughed once again and asked me, "Are you not burning up? What's it like? How's it connected to your hand? Oh, you have to show me! I really, really wanna see!"

I tried to pull my hand out again, shaking off my fearful daze, but I was stuck. _At least you aren't dead._ Yeah thanks a lot, smart ass, but I do_ not _need your guidance right now! I out my foot against the side of the body, using it to help give me more power and as I struggled, heard the soldiers continue to shout.

With Hange's authority protecting me, the Captain backed off, giving her room to do her tests and try to figure out how the body was working. The captain put his swords away, ordering the others to do the same and then backed away. They half complied. They got rid of their weapons but wouldn't leave, but they did back up just a bit. Captain Levi wasn't right on top of me, but he was only a few meters away on the ground, closer to his frenzied men. He'd dragged Orou down off the corpse with him.

When I finally ripped my hand free, the Section Commander started yelling about how it was too soon and she wanted to dissect it, but I was too busy screaming as I lost my balance and toppled to the ground at Captain Levi's feet. The look on his face read as nothing more than a disapproving 'pitiful.'

I breathed heavy, struggling to my feet, as as I stumbled a bit, I felt the Captain catch me under the arm, hauling me back onto my feet.

"I'm sorry, Captain, for everything. I didn't mean to change and scare everyone and cause all this trouble." I told him, looking at the ground. This time I really was sorry.

"So," the captain said, "you feelin' okay or what?"

I looked up into his eyes, somehow now, he didn't seem so cold.

I stumbled a bit, still breathing heavily, palms pressed against my slightly bent knees, I replied, "No...not...exactly."

"C'mon." he sighed, hauling me up on his back and walking back toward the Head Quarters.

"Captain... you don't ha...have to...do this." I was still almost completely breathless and I wasn't even standing on my feet. I coughed an ugly, unattractive cough trying to clear the lump in my throat but my tries were of no avail.

I could hear Section Commander Hange yelling over her precious titan corpse. I didn't hear anything from Captain Levi, so I laid my head on his shoulder. My ear was pressed to his back and my good arm wrapped around his neck. I took slow, deep, and calm breaths, trying to match my heart beat to his.

When we arrived back at the Head Quarters, I was tired to say the least. Worn out was closer to the truth. I was feeling the effects of shifting into a titan, but since it wasn't a complete titan body, I still had the strength to stay conscious.

On our way to my humble abode in the cellar, Captain Levi made a pit stop in the infirmary to grab a first aide kit and a numbing agent.

He dumped me onto my cot when we reached my 'room, not a cell' as he'd called it when he first showed it to me.

My shoulder stung. I hissed a bit, closing my eyes and scrunching up my nose as I reached out to cover the injury with my good arm.

"Let go." Captain Levi insisted as he batted my hand away. He poured a bit of alcohol in the wound and I felt the tears from earlier return to my eyes. Upon seeing how much pain I was in, the Captain put the bottle to my lips, lifting my head so I could take a few big sips. It burned like fire, but I almost liked its numbing feeling.

I yelped and he said, "I have to sterilize it. Who knows what was on Orou's blades. I don't think he's ever listened to me when I told his to clean them."

I wanted to smile, to tease that mean old Captain Levi actually had a heart, but then he proved me wrong. With absolutely no warning, he dumped _another_ splash of alcohol over the back of my shoulder where the wound had continued.

"Man up, Jaeger."

"Sure thing, Cap'n, just as soon as my titan form grows a set."

"You're certainly cheeky, aren't you?"

"Under conditions like this its hard not to crack a good joke." I smiled at him, "Besides, maybe someday,_ before you kill me_, I'll have chipped away enough at that armor of yours and get you to crack a smile for me."

He looked away to grab something out of the kit so I missed his reaction. Oh my god! Why am I talking like this?! Did that alcohol do this to me already? I was in shock or going on a bit of a psychotic break after watching everyone turn like that. So quickly.

"You know, Cap'n..." something was definitely up. I think I'm slurring my words a bit, "That was quite the wake up call, lemme tell ya. 'Til their blades were drawn, I had no idea how little they trusted me. I mean you probably don't trust me either, but at least you don't hide it."

"What did you expect? A suspicious nature was the top of my criteria. Traditionally, you aren't considered a_ real_ scout 'til you come back alive. But out there, there's always so little intel to go on. So many uncertainties and unknowns, its a miracle any of us come back alive."

"Nah, you're just that good, Cap'n Levi, sir!"

"Cut it with your incessant babbling and let me finish." He touched his hand to his forehead, you know that universal, 'what am the actual f am I going to do with you now' and then continued, "It's important that you know, Erin, you have to be reactive, quick, hit the ground running while anticipating the worst. That doesn't make them heartless though. They aren't just a bunch of mindless machines. Whatever that might've looked like out there today, felt like when Orou attacked you, I can promise you that every single one of them was...is conflicted."

He brushed a piece of hair from my eyes, but quickly retracted the hand, as though he were afraid I would bite him. He sat far back in his chair, keeping his distance. His focus was still, however, on me, until we heard the approaching footsteps, then we both turned our eyes toward the door.

"Captain Levi?" It was Moblit.

"Hm..." he replied.

"Section Commander Hange would like a word, sir."

"I'm coming," he stood, but Moblit interrupted.

"Both of you, sir."

"Meeting is going to have to happen here then."

"And why is that...sir?"

"Ms. Jaeger here," he motioned to me and I waved to him, flashing a sloppy smile, "Is three sheets to the wind."

And of course my smiling and waving had just proved his point. The slurring and the burning made sense. I wasn't in shock, I was drunk.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi guys! I'm back with another chapter! Thanks for your patience (I write everything on paper first then type it, which can take a while) and for reading! Enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 8

It didn't take long for a big wood table and eight chairs to be gathered in my 'room.' Everyone gathered pretty quickly and the meeting commenced within five minutes of Moblit's arrival. The room was lit with 15 or so torches and Section Commander Hange stood at the head of the table closest the the bars, farthest from where I sat, propped up against the wall on my cot. Petra, Orou, Eld, and Gunther sat around the table in the four chairs closest to the Section Commander. Captain Levi sat, legs crossed in a chair between me and the rest of the group.

Section Commander Hange and Captain Levi exchanged some words about a meeting with the higher-ups but I wasn't really paying attention. When they finished the Section Commander got quiet until she laid a napkin on the table and unwrapped it. There was a spoon inside.

"Feast your eyes on this." She seemed much more excited about the spoon than anyone else in the room.

"Is that my spoon?" I asked, I could hear the wistfulness in my voice and a dark blush across my cheeks and ears, "The one I dropped earlier? THAT one? The one I was picking up when I... when I turned into a titan?"

"The very one," she chuckled a bit. She could see now that Captain Levi had a good handle on how messed up I was. I've never drank before and have no tolerance for the stuff. My parents didn't either, "Your spontaneous titan arm erupted into being while holding it. Like so. Resting between the thumb and index finger. The world operates on chance, so coincidences are expected, but this begs something more. This utensil wasn't even warped by the heat or the pressure. Any thoughts on the matter?"

I shook my head and suddenly felt a wave of nausea. I made a quick mental note to try and keep my head still. "All I know is that I went to pick it up. When I did, the arm came out of nowhere."

"Interesting." Section Commander Hange examined the spoon closer. Was it the spoon itself or something about the spoon that helped me change? "This might explain why you couldn't change in the well. I'm certain of it. Slaying titans. Blocking canon fire. Lifting big rocks. I believe its possible that self harm isn't the only catalyst of transformation. It appears as though a clear objective is a crucial ingredient as well."

"I think you might be on to something, Section Commander. I was thinkin' about that this mornin' when my powers didn't work. It doesn't make sense though. Did I really transform into a titan to pick up my effing spoon?!" I can't even live my life without shifting into a titan doing menial tasks I guess.

I was too busy falling down the rabbit hole of my mind to know for sure who said it, but I think it was Gunther. He said, "So, uh... What I'm getting out of this is what you pulled wasn't something you did on purposed, girl?"

"No, sir." I told him from my corner, pulling the old, ratty, and frayed blanket a bit tighter around my shoulders. I couldn't look at any of them. I leaned my right temple against the stone wall and started at the wall across from me.

Without a word, just a few nods and grunts the four of them who had pointed swords and tired to kill me earlier today, bit their hands, sinking their teeth in enough to draw blood like I do.

I'd lifted my head to see what they were grunting about and in the end couldn't tear my gaze away.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yelled, stumbling to my feet and over to the table. I ran into the table, smacking my legs into it and tripping a bit. I hit at their arms trying to knock their fists from their mouths and Gunther groaned as he released his hand.

"Kay, that hurt like a Son of a Bitch, damn kid." Elder ruffled my hair with his good hand as he talked, "I'm impressed you can sink your teeth in that deep without shrieking."

"We made a judgement call today," Gunther said, "and it was wrong. Consider this our way of apologizing." Gunther stepped on my other side, putting a hand lightly on my good shoulder. "That is if you can find it in your heart to forgive us."

"Huh?" did they think I was angry with them? If anything I was just as scared as they were. None of us wanted to die there.

"We have to make spur of the moment decisions, okay?" Orou told me form the other side of the table, "Make the best call we can with what we know. Its our job to keep you in check."

I didn't like that he was yelling at me. I understand that fear made him stab me earlier, but for now, fear would make me keep my distance from him.

"The fact us we were scared." you think I don't know that, Petra? Everybody is afraid of me, "That's no excuse, I know. You've every right to be upset. But... all that aside, we're doomed if we can't trust one another. Just as you are if you can't trust us, Erin... I'm asking you...trust us."

With those words, the memory faded away and we were back among the humongous trees, riding like the wind with a giant, intelligent, female, abnormal titan following us.

When I was Petra, heard her beg me to trust them, I shook my head, 'no.'

"I'm sorry." I yelled, standing up tall in my stir ups and yanking my reigns, pulling the horse to a stop.

Everyone else maneuvered their horses to the side and to a stop, but they were too slow. I was already off my horse, sprinting toward the titan. She'd stopped. Her prey was coming to her now, she didn't need to give chase.

I could hear the captain order me back, but I was too close to stop. My teeth were slicing into my hand and I had a task in mind. Destroy her.

I was pushing her to the ground, kicking clawing, roaring in her face. Levi squad had cleared the direction we had been heading and the Captain motioned for me to follow.

_So there was a plan..._ I thought.

As soon as they were far enough away, I grabbed the titan by the shoulders and threw her down the path. We wrestled and struggled against each other, and eventually, I could see Hange and Erwin in the trees with a whole other group of scouts. I pushed the titan, tripping her as I knocked her into the clearing. I wanted to keep fighting, take revenge kill her, but I stopped.

Hange's men had her trapped and the battle was over. This was a capture mission, we'd been lied to.

I wanted to fulfill this insane blood lust's commands, but as I headed for the forest outskirts, a smaller than average scout landed on my shoulder, his ODM gear stabbing into my upper neck. Captain Levi.

He sliced into my titan form's neck, and I lost my sight. I was gone to the blackness, but not before I felt a slap upside the head.

"Well done, Jaeger, but that may have been your worst mistake yet."


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi everyone! Happy Holidays! I don't know how frequently I'll be able to update in the coming weeks, but I promise to update as soon as possible! Thanks for all the comments and thanks for reading! Enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 9

Levi dragged Erin to the rest of their squad, dumping her limp body at their feet. Petra stepped forward with Erin's scouts cloak. She'd lost it when we transformed.

"Take her out of here. Get her in a wagon. Tell the other squad captains we are preparing to return."

"Yes, sir!" The group replied in unison

Eld grabbed Erin around the waist and threw her over her horse's back. Gunther held his reigns as well as Erin's as they rode out of the forest, careful not to let her slip off.

Levi had stayed behind with Erwin and Hange to oversee the new prisoner. Something didn't feel right to Levi though. It was almost...easy.

As more nets and roped were attacked to the female titan, holding her down, the titan struggled even more. Soon she let out a roar the shook the trees.

"What the hell was that?!" Hange yelled excitedly. Her excitement didn't last. Soon the ground was shaking and every 'mindless' titan that had been reaching up for the scouts in the trees on the forest perimeter were charging. When they arrived, they ran immediately to the female titan, who was buried under a mountain of nets and ropes.

"Are they trying to free her?" Erwin asked. It sounded more like a wonder aloud. He seemed astonished by the revelation. Too bad it was wrong.

"No..." Levi said, "this is a smoke screen for the shifter's escape. They're eating the body. Find the shifter!"

"When you do, capture don't kill!" Hange added, a glint like no other in her eye, "I need to spend some time with them."

"We were foolish to use Erin as a benchmark," Erwin shook his head as he spoke, "We should have known better."

"Now we need to find the shifter before the shifter finds Erin." Levi said.

Golden lightning struck to the south.

"Too late." Erwin said, but Levi was too far gone to hear him. He'd already take off through the trees. That was the way he'd sent his team. Either the shifter had found Erin or Erin had gone berserk. He wasn't sure which was worse.

* * *

The Levi squad was within a few hundred meters of the forest edge when the female titan attacked again.

Gunther and Eld took off in their ODM gear, attempting to distract the titan so Petra, Erin, and Orou could get away. They were crushed easily, brushed away like bothersome flies. Petra was screaming bloody murder.

Orou took off next, leaving Erin to Petra. He too was killed.

Petra drew her swords and let go of Erin's reigns. With a slap to the horses flank, she sent it and Erin trotting off the way they'd come, toward their superiors and toward safety.

Soon Petra was gone too, crushed to death against a tree, her steed in no better shape.

The female titan searched the surrounding area with her calculating eyes for Erin, but only found her in time for Mikasa to step in.

She sliced across its arms and shoulders, through muscle and bone, with sheer anger and rage.

The titan grabbed her by her ODM gear's wires, yanking Mikasa toward her and swatting her away into the trees. She gripped her ribs as she fell from a tree branch to the ground with a sickening crunch. Mikasa lay bloody and broken, Erin soon thrown beside her as Levi took her horse, charging the female titan.

He cut through the muscles in her ankle and she fell to one knee, unable to stand completely. Levi launched into the air with his ODM gear and let himself fall back down, spinning his blades stuck into the titan's shoulder, slowing his descent. He shot off in a new direction and with a similar maneuver rendered the titan's other arm useless as well.

He moved to cut her nape, to rip out the shifter inside, to question her, to make her pay for the life lost today. The titan stood, her ankle completely healed, secreting a large cloud of titan smoke.

She swung a kick, aiming for Levi, but missed as he flew out of her way. The titan bent over, picking up Erin, and dropping him in her mouth. With Levi stuck on the titan's far side, all he could do was watch as the last and newest member of his squad was taken too.

Mikasa screamed, using a tree trunk to pull herself back to her feet. She clutched her left arm against her chest. It hung at an odd angle and she wheezed as she breathed, slowly and heavily.

"Are you alright?" Levi asked her.

"I'm fine, let's go get Erin." she grabbed her sword with her good hand and stumbled in the direction the titan took off in.

"Take the horse," Levi told her, hoping down from a branch about three meters up, "I'll use my gear. Remember you aren't at a 100%"

"Switch tanks with me. Yours must be running low and I can barely stand. Its better for the more able bodied of us to have the fuel." Levi agreed and they quickly switched out their gas canisters.

"Let's go." Levi said standing beside the horse, helping Mikasa climb on without injuring herself further.

When they took off, Levi kept pace with her, even though they both knew he could move much faster.

"Go!" she told him, "Get Erin! Now!"

"You don't give me orders, greenhorn!"

"Just do it!" she screamed. She was desperate and he could tell. He felt similarly. If his entire squad died today, he wouldn't know what to do. His comrades were gone for the most part. The only people he still had were Hange, Erwin, and Mike.

As he took off after the titan, he sighed. When he reached it, he sliced its neck from ear to temple. The titan turned her attention to Levi, clenching her teeth tighter, but the right side of her jaw was coming lose.

Levi could see a lump in her mouth. A body laying on her tongue.

_Erin_, he thought.

He heard the sound of someone shooting up into a tree nearby and saw Mikasa. She yelled to him, "I'll cut her open! Grab Erin!"

She swung across, latching one of her cables onto the titan's nose. She swatted at Mikasa, missing her, and she ran across her cheek bone. Mikasa jumped, stabbing her sword through the joint of the titan's jaw.

The titan's mouth fell open, and Levi shot across the titan's face, landing for only a split second on her mouth to grab Erin.

When Levi landed on a tree far out of the titan's reach, his ankle snapped.

_It's not broken,_ he told himself, _you just rolled it. Keep going. Keep your cool. Keep your head._

"Captain Levi!" Mikasa yelled from the ground. She'd sliced the muscles in the titan's heels again. She wouldn't be walking or running after us for a while. Armin sat next to her on the same horse. Another empty one was beside them.

Levi landed carefully on his left foot. He didn't need to injure both of his ankles. He climbed on the horse, bringing Erin up with him. The group rode off toward where Erwin and Hange's forces were finishing packing up their equipment on the wagons.

When the group arrived, Erwin approached first. He and Armin helped Mikasa, much to her objection, off her horse. Erwin then ordered a soldier to bring her to the corpsman for treatment.

He approached Levi and Erin next. He went hand off Erin to another soldier, but Levi shooed them away. He hopped off his horse, bringing her down with him.

"I'll take her to the corpsman." Levi said, putting Erin on his back and heading off toward the makeshift infirmary wagon.

"Get yourself checked out too, Levi, especially that ankle." Levi rolled his eyes. Erwin always knew what was wrong.

When they arrived, Levi laid Erin down and grabbed the corpsman who'd just finished with Mikasa. She had broken and bruised ribs and a snapped bone in her arm.

After a thorough inspection, the doctor decided Erin was only exhausted due to the use of her titan form. Hange concurred. Both Erin and Mikasa would ride in a wagon on the way back home. Erin couldn't physically ride and the jostling of high speed riding would make Mikasa's ribs worse.

Levi had slipped a wrap and some medical tape into his jacket pocket. He sat on a rock, alone on the edge of the woods, and wrapped it tightly. He hissed as he forced his boot over his swollen and bulky ankle.

He hobbled back toward his horse, using every ounce of strength he had to walk normally when in the presence of the other scouts.

When he was finally situated in his saddle, he did his best to avoid wincing as he bounced along home wit his troops. His hurt ankle was jostled the entire way, throbbing with each beat of his heart. It caused him to grimace, which terrified his comrades. He was a scary guy despite his height.

As they reached a point far out of the forest the ground began to shake. Levi and Armin were among those who looked back to see the two titans fast approaching, another group a bit farther off headed their way as well. They were most specifically chasing a pair of scouts on horseback toting the body of a fellow soldier. They were the exact soldiers that Levi has previously told not to go back for their friend. That he was unrecoverable in this mess.

When the ground shook, the men's horses jumped and the two soldiers lost their friend's body. They weren't foolish enough to try retrieving it again. Levi shook his head and yelled to the full wagons carrying the bodies of fallen comrades in arms.

"Dump the bodies!" he ordered, "If we don't lose the dead weight, the wagons will soon be overrun with hungry titans!"

"But, sir-!" a soldier challenged, he was interrupted.

"Do it!"_ Erwin._ He couldn't even look as the bodies were tossed off the carts.

"Yes, sir."

When the wagons were clear of the dead, they were moving fast enough to out run the titans.

They kept a fast and steady pace, avoiding skirmishes on their way back, and soon they arrived to the gates of Calaneth, entering the city with a crowd to greet them. A mob was the more accurate term. An angry one.

"Where are our families?"

"They're back already?"

"The mission must have been a complete failure."

A starry eyed little boy stood atop a crate watching the scouts return to the city, but none of them could bring themselves to meet his eyes or even do more than glance in his direction to give more of than a shake of their head. The mission had failed the towns person had been right. Over fifty scouts were lost.

When they reached their Head Quarters, hours upon hours later, a soldier finally lost his control and started to cry about losing his friend and having nothing to remember him by. He was not the only one who had lost someone and he was not the first to cry. He was the first to do it loudly while the others had wallowed silently.

Levi looked down at his steed's withers where he held the reigns and pulled on of the dirty scout's patched out of his pocket. He put it in the soldier's hand.

"It belonged to your friend." he told him. He was lying. He shoved his hands back in his jacket pocket.

Levi held the three others clenched tightly in his fist in his pocket. He'd get another, write their names on them and add them to the collection It was a horrible infatuation he had, collecting his fallen squad's emblems, locking them in a dark wood box, mourning them silently, trying to forget about them until a wave of need hit him. The need to look back on all the friends he'd lost and have a good cry, letting all his pent up emotion out. It usually paired well with hard liquor.

He had only found Petra's body this time. The other scouts had found Gunther, Orou, and Eld. He usually tried to pawn off the responsibility of finding his fallen squad-mates to someone else. He didn't want to see much of their gruesome death, just take what was left of their scouts patches. He never wanted to find Petra, but in his dear for Erin he came across her body. The female titan had crushed her and her horse into a tree. When they retrieved her, they could barely tell what belonged to her versus the horse.

It was a sickening sight. He'd wanted to be sick, but he merely stiffened his hands around his blades, hardened his features, and pushed ahead. She hadn't given her life for him to fail. He'd known her for a month and now she was gone, just like all the rest. They always left him eventually. They promised to fight together, win the war, put an end to the death and destruction. None who'd joined his squad ever lived long enough for that to come true.

He closed his eyes taking a deep breath and when he reopened them, a man was walking along beside his horse speaking to him. He didn't need to hear his words, he could see the similarities. See her face in his. This man was Petra's relative, most likely her father. Levi couldn't even bare to look at him. All he could manage was the quick shake of his head and a muttered apology that remained unheard. The man cried. His daughter was dead. Levi squad was dead.


	10. Chapter 10

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Erin Chapter 10

I woke in my 'room' back in the basement of the old scouts head quarters. A guard stood by the door, and when he heard my shackled clattering, he looked through the bars at me to see what was causing such a racket. His eyes widened and he stepped back.

"Somebody..." I tried to say, clutching my aching stomach, nearly choking on my sand paper throat, "Help..."

"Get the Captain! Inform Commander Erwin! The titan is awake!"

My head pounded and I pushed myself up, back against the wall. I leaned my head against the wall as well and held my hand to my temple. I groaned.

_Damn it!_ I thought, _That really hurts._

My other and rubbed light circles on my stomach. I could see a bruise peaking out from beneath the hem of my shirt. Odd. I should have healed in the time it took us to return.

The door to my cell creaked open and I shot my head up to see who it was. Captain Levi stepped in.

"Jaeger."

I thought back to his last words to me, _"Well done, Jaeger, but that may have been your worst mistake yet."_

I prepared myself for a beating, both physical and verbal. I'd found out in the courtroom he was into both.

"Sir?"

He threw four patches of the scouts emblem on my lap. "We need to talk."

"Who's ar-" I stopped myself, looking at the neatly written names and ranks across their backs. Petra... Eld... Gunther and Orou...?

_They're dead..._ I thought, _And it's all your fault. You got them killed. How will you answer for it?_

"They're dead, Erin."

"I know."

"They wouldn't be if you had listened to them!" here we go._ I deserve this._ I deserve so much worse than this. Four great people, fine soldiers were dead because of me, "If you had listened to me! I told you. Trust your team and the plan keeps everyone alive. You broke the plan. You killed them."

It was worse when he didn't yell. I wanted him to yell, needed him to, so I gave it to him, hoping to get it right back, "I know!"

I knew I looked wild. My hair was a mess. I was so angry. I should have listened. I could have protected them when they were killed if I had just resisted the urge to shift in the beginning.

I'd already cost so many people their lives. They'd given their lives protecting me. I'd cost my squad their lives by disobeying, and that was something I chose to do. I was in charge of how that scenario played out and I screwed it all to hell. It made the guilt welling up inside me unbearable.

I stood as well as I could manage, my shackles holding my arms behind me. I wanted to reach out, to do something, but I was useless, there was nothing I could do. Not now, not in the forest, not for my mother five years ago when our house fell on top of her.

I struggled against my chains. I wanted to rip them free fro the wall with my bare hands. I wanted to shift into a titan, to see how long I could survive my own attacks compounded with those of the military.

I couldn't do any of this. My eyes were crazed and I screamed until my voice gave out and my knees buckled. I feel, my knees tucked beneath me and cried silently, sobs wracking my body. I was still struggling, pulling against the wall, but I was looking down and nearly all of my strength was gone.

When I looked to the dirty floor, I saw the four patches scattered around me. I wanted to hold them. To cry over them. To apologize for my childish ignorance and instinct to ignore authority. I wanted to at the very least pick the up from the filthy floor and clean them.

_They are dead because of you. You are a monster. _

When I started to yell again, it was only strangled and awkward cries, my voice breaking. My shattered soul's pieces were falling everywhere, out of my mouth and my lips, my tears and mournful cries.

"Sir," the guard spoke to the Captain, "the Commander expressly forbid people from being in the cell. It's bad enough we let you in as long as we did. You need to-"

"Erwin can come and try to stop me himself if need be, but I'm not moving. I'm perfectly safe where I am."

"But sir, if her emotions make her lose control she coul-"

"That's not how it works! You don't know anything about titan shifters. Back to your post and close your mouth."

The guard hesitated before reluctantly complying, "Yes, sir."

I lifted my head to look at Captain Levi. He didn't look well. There were bags under his eyes and his hair was a mess. His cravat was out of place as well. It was very uncharacteristic of him.

He grabbed me under each arm before I could struggle and set me back down on my cot. He turned around, scooping the patched off the ground. He forced open my hand, leaving them on my palm before squeezing it closed with both hands around mine.

"Never forget this feeling, brat," he put a hand on my head smoothing my hair, "Let it always remind you to trust the plan and learn fro your mistakes."

"Yes, sir," I looked down at the patches in my hand. I held them to my chest, saying a prayer for their well being and squeezed them tightly. I then carefully placed them back in the captain's hand. He looked confused.

"I'll remember, captain, but they were your friends, your comrades even longer. I think they'd prefer you holding onto their memories to me."

"Okay..." he didn't argue, just simply slipped them into his pocket. He turned to the guards and yelled, "Send them in."

The second those words left is mouth, Section Commander Hange and Commander Erwin barged through the door, standing on the opposite side of the bars.

"How are you feelin', Erin? You slept for four days! Are you better now?"

_What?! I'd been asleep for how long?! _I stared at the captain with a confused look and the Section Commander seemed to catch on.

"Levi!" Section Commander Hange yelled at the Captain, "You didn't tell her?"

"I didn't get the chance. We had something to work through first." he shrugged.

"Is that what all the screaming was about?" Everyone ignored that question.

"Well, kid," the Commander said, "Hange is going to do a full work up and then all of us have a meeting to get to. We've been pushing it off until you woke. Let's get this done quick, your cadet friends are anxious to see you."

I nodded. The Captain cleared the cell and he along with Commander Erwin dismissed the guards.

The Commander and the Captain stood, backs to the cell, averting their eyes while Section Commander Hange checked me over. I had bruised ribs which remained unexplained but that was an issue for later. They would heal soon anyway. We concluded that they were probably just a battle wound that had only really taken effect when I was sleeping. Maybe I slept on a cracked rib funny or something? Either way, she was done with my pretty quickly.

After turning around, the Commander and the Captain opened the cell door letting us both out. I was still wearing my uniform pants and a tank top. I had no idea where my jacket or my boots had gone. They'd probably taken my ODM gear to get it ready for the next mission. Probably also just a precaution so I couldn't try to use it to escape off into titan country or whatever.

Captain Levi gave me a pair of boots.

"Thanks." I didn't look at him as I quickly pulled them on as we walked.

"Let's go." Erwin motioned for the whole group to follow.

When we arrived to a conference room upstairs near the officer offices, I saw Mikasa, Armin, Jean, and Moblit. They were sitting on one side of the table and there were four more empty chairs on the other side. We took those.

When we were all seated around the table, the meeting was about to begin. The room was cold and the windows were slightly ajar letting in a nice breeze for everyone who still had their full uniform.

I felt something get draped around my shoulders and looked to see Captain Levi's green scouts cloak wrapped around me. I gave him a nod of thanks and he retook his seat between Hange and I, Erwin at the head of the table.

"Armin," he said, "would you like to explain your suspicions?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reading and enjoy the story! Follow. Favorite. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 11

"Armin," the Commander said, "would you like to explain your suspicions?" It sounded more like an order than a request.

"My group was one of the firsts to come across the female titan. I made an attempt to get away, but she got me, flipped my hood off my head and then let me go. She was identifying me, looking for someone specific. We now know she was looking for you, Erin, based off the fact she tried to make off with you in the woods."

"What?!" I jumped to my feet slapping my hands down on the table, "Are you kidding me?!"

"Let him finish, brat!" Captain Levi ordered, swinging his leg under my feet and knocking me back on my ass in my chair.

"Sorry..." I said, rubbing the back of my neck with a slight chuckle. That'd hurt. I'd smacked my head on the back of the chair when I fell.

"I also have reason to believe it was someone from the 104th cadet class. They responded when I used your 'suicidal maniac' nickname, and after the death of Section Commander Hange's test subjects I noticed something fishy with her ODM gear during the check. Her gear looked exactly like Marco's down to every last little dent and scratch.

Her? I thought.

"And who is it you think it is?" Commander Erwin asked.

"Annie Leonhart."

"What?" was the collective consensus of the rest of the room, baring Armin and Commander Erwin. Even Mikasa and Captain Levi who didn't say anything, projected the question on their features.

"We also have reason to believe it was someone from your cadet class. We spread the rumor the titan shifter was a man and ordered everyone who knew it was you to keep quiet. There were plenty of people outside your class who knew you were a girl in human form, Erin, but the information from Armin confirmed for us it was someone in your class. Annie Leonhart, specifically. We checked her whereabouts and alibi, but she didn't have one. She was on leave."

So there's a real possibility Annie is the female titan.

"What's the next step? I asked, "Where do we go from here?"

"She's still within the walls. She hasn't left fled, it would be too hard and call too much attention to herself. She's going on as if she's done nothing. It's easier for her to play innocent."

"Are we going to talk to her? Ask her if we're right?" I asked, "Or are we going to grab her before she knows what's going on? Or...?"

"There's a plan, don't worry." the Commander said.

"You better follow it this time, brats." Captain Levi cut in.

"Yes, sir." the group of us from the 104th replied. I looked at Mikasa, ore than anyone, that had been meant for us.

* * *

That meeting brought us to today, the next day, when Mikasa was nowhere near healed, but had received enough attention to be mostly mobile. She was well enough to partake to a small extent on our mission.

For that week, my awakening was kept a secret. It was 'accidentally leaked' to the military police following Mikasa's partial recovery. Her broken arm was wrapped up tight in a lot of gauze and a protective outer layer. She also wore a similar brace around her torso to stabilize her broken ribs. She only needed to look uninjured to fulfill her role as decoy.

Armin, Jean, and I 'escaped' the convoy bringing me in and were going to 'use' Annie to escape. She would get us passed the checkpoint after we crossed the city to the outer wall.

She'd agreed, coming with us until we reached the tunnel. She refused to enter, she was afraid of the dark.

_More like a titan shifter who can't go underground like that for very long. _

The streets were clear, Scouts in hiding waiting to pounce had taken over. She shifted her eyes around skeptically. She knew this was a trap.

"Go!" someone screamed, and a hoard of scouts descended upon her, pulling off her thorn ring before tackling her. She couldn't hurt herself now. Even her jaw had been taken care of. She wasn't going anywhere.

It was almost too easy. She was tied up and dragged to Section Commander Hange.

The Section Commander ran a hand down Annie's face.

"You're going to be my perfect little specimen." she laughed maniacally. If there really were mad scientist out there, she was definitely one of them.

Annie didn't say a word as she was carted off back to scout head quarters. She couldn't speak, but as I was later told, when we were nearing the gate, she tried.

A soldier mistakenly took off her mouth bindings to find out what she was trying to say, and she bit through her lip and tongue. When she transformed, she took out most of the caravan, though Section Commander Hange and Moblit remained unharmed.

I had remained in the city with Commander Erwin, Captain Levi, Jean, Mikasa, and Armin. We were caught up explaining ourselves to the military police.

When the lightning struck and Annie appeared in her titan form, I didn't look for permission. I knew every plan this time, A through H. None of them accounted for this.

I took off running down the street and as I approached a plaza full of people; merchants, peasants, children... innocents.

I yelled, "Run! Everyone get inside now! In your cellars if you have them!"

People were panicking, screaming, fighting their way through the crowds. The plaza was cleared in under a minute. I could hear my friends, Jean, and my superiors fighting the current to stop me, but without their ODM gear or horses, they were being swept away by the crowds.

I finally had enough space to transform, so I did. When my titan body covered my own, I launched into action.

Houses were crushed, the wall damaged, and I nearly killed Annie. Then again, she'd almost killed me too. We were even now, I guess. A doubt in the back of my mind wanted to stop me from fighting her, from believing she was capable of all this. I knew the mission objective was to capture her, and there was no way I was going to fail this time. I have people to protect and comrades that died for me who deserve vengeance. I would seek retribution for the fallen.

When I finally had her pinned, I roared all my anger, all my sadness, all my pain into her face. I let her see all of it. I let her feel my wrath.

She'd tried to escape over the wall, but I'd thrown her down. I gripped what was left of her arms, holding her against the ground as I tore into the nape of her neck, exposing her human body. I kneeled over her, trapping her, both of us missing limbs.

A crystal like material erupted from her neck, stirring up winds and sending some scouts flying.

Our titan forms were merging. I panicked. Scratching, clawing, biting, and roaring as I tried to escape. Would she take me over? Would I be killed before avenging my fallen comrades?

A case of crystal was encapsulating Annie's human body. There were cries for me to stop, but there was nothing I could do. I wasn't causing this.

I felt a slice across the back of my titan form's neck, and heard Captain Levi speaking to me.

"...t's not a good idea to eat our key evidence, you idiot!" he said, cutting me free of titan form. I felt so weak and felt the darkness close in once again.

Stohess District was nearly completely destroyed. There was an untold amount of damage and an unknown number of casualties.

Mikasa and Armin were approaching, but before they could arrive, the world was gone.

When it reappeared I was still on the battlefield, Mikasa propping me up, holding me under my arms, Armin sat in front of me.

I asked about Annie, but looked up and saw only her crystal cacoon holding her safely out of the survey corps grasp. Her sarcophagus was too durable for them to break through and out of everyone, Jean was the most upset.

Jean was stabbing at her case angrily, but his blades just broke, the pieces falling everywhere. I don't know how long he'd been trying. I don't even know how long we'd all been here.

We'd either been there for less than an hour or for about a day. The sun had barely moved in the sky.

Jean was screaming at Annie, but we all knew she probably couldn't hear him. It was the Captain who stepped in and stopped him from stabbing at the crystal again.

Whatever the captain said to him worked because Jean dropped his swords.

Section Commander Hange stepped forward next and called for a net. They would drag Annie away, somewhere underground where the light, her source of energy, could not reach her.

_You have nothing. This was all for naught. People are dead, the district is in ruins, and thanks to you there will be no answers._ The doubts in my head were becoming prevalent on the forefront of my mind. I could barely trust myself to do anything.

Commander Erwin stood off to the side with the MPs. He'd been arrested, shackles adorning his wrists. I hadn't noticed him until the Captain started in his direction.

They spoke, but I couldn't catch much of it. It seemed to be consolation for the Captain to the Commander, reassurance that it was okay we'd lost, but I'm sure the Commander already knows that after years of experience. At the very least he should know that we can't win them all. Even with all the man power, all the artillery, and all the time in the world to prepare. There would never be a world where we always won.

The Commander replied with something about clearing suspicion from the scouts, but I didn't look at the Captain. He was entranced by the destruction before him. Had he seen the battle? Did he know it was me who'd done all of this? Had he seen my rage turn me into a mindless monster like the rest of the titans?

_Of course he did. Everyone saw you. Everyone knows this is your fault._

* * *

I don't know when exactly I stopped paying attention, slumped over in Mikasa's arms, my mind slipping away, eyes closing, but when I reopened them, she was there. So were Jean and Armin. We were in a nice room, above ground, God knows where, evening light falling through the large window panes. I was laying in a bed, a bandage wrapped around my head.

When I sat up, I talked to the others. I asked about Annie and for a while we discussed the events of the battle. They told me that there was still no change. That she was still keeping her secrets locked in that crystal vault with her.

Finally, Armin said something and I froze, "You gave Annie an out didn't you?"

"I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. I guess I just didn't want to believe she was a bad person." I pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, _she wasn't really a human though was she? Just like you?_ "She was crying, you know, when I ripped her open. Found her human body. I think I just sort of froze. Its a little hazy."

We all turned to face the doors as it swung open. A soldier from the MPs was taking Armin and Jean to be debriefed. They said their goodbyes and the door closed.

"Honestly," I said looking up at Mikasa, I felt my eyes sting with the start of tears, "it felt almost... good. It was like I let go of the controls, let myself get lost in the anger, and BAM!" I slammed my palm down on the bed, "She was captured and I was victorious. But now it doesn't feel so good because I failed. There will be no retribution of vengeance for Levi Squad. She's still protecting herself from that and there's nothing I can do. Humanity's last hope? What a load of shit. All I do is screw up and get people killed."

"Erin," she said, but I stopped her.

"I wonder if I went berserk right now, do you think the Captain and Commander would just get it over with? Would just let me die already?"

"Erin!" she yelled, pulling my rising fists from my mouth, holding me down, "Stop it!"

We stayed like that for a while, until I was nearly crying and I didn't seem like a danger. She sat back in her seat, wheezing a but with each breath. I'd almost forgotten her injuries.

I sat up and she held my hand, softly, comfortingly this time.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me." I lifted both our hands to my cheek, a tear fell on top of them.

"Please don't do that again, threaten to get yourself killed. I can't do this without you." she was crying now. She grabbed my hand even tighter.

"Never again." I promised.

"Good, I'm glad you're back, Erin."

It wasn't long after that my exhaustion took over again and fell asleep against her shoulder. Before I sank deep into sleep, she laid me on my pillow and I heard a creak as she sat back in her chair.

_What will tomorrow bring?_

_Who will you kill next..._


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi everyone! I'm back with another chapter! And yes for anyone who's wondering we are getting to the point where there will be more deviations from the story than little things like how I did the Female Titan. Thanks for reading and enjoy the story! Favorite. Follow. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 12

From what I was lead to understand, after Annie's capture and the debriefs we received an urgent request for aid from Scout Head Quarters. Titans had breached wall Rose and were marching on wall Sina, Head Quarters was right in their path.

My classmates been unarmed and the titans were approaching so quickly that they had to evacuate without delay. They rode out from there, spreading word that evacuations behind wall Sina were in order.

Head Quarters is way out in the boonies down south. I wasn't sure about much of the geography except that there were vast forests cut down and turned into farm land. All I knew about locations was that Connie came from one of the farming towns there and Sasha was from a village hidden out in the woods, one of an unknown number.

We had no way of knowing if our friends riding out from Head Quarters would make it in time to warn the civilians. We didn't even know if the remaining members of our class would make it. Its selfish, but I'm glad Mikasa and Armin were with me instead of out there. At the very least, here I know they're still alive.

For our plan to help the others, I knew it was my mission to ride out to an abandoned fortification, Utgard Castle, and help a stranded group of scouts with a titan hoard closing in. Only four of the nine had their ODM gear and they didn't have any supplies to refill their tanks.

If we hadn't arrived when we did, the group would have died. All four veteran scouts were gone. The cadets survived because of Ymir, another titan shifter, which came as quite the surprise.

I'd killed a titan as a human for the first time in that battle. It only made me thing about when I'd failed to do so before. For my mother. For Armin and Mikasa. For myself.

Ymir changed back soon after and her injuries were bad. She was missing half an arm and half a leg. Historia wouldn't leave her side.

When we finished packing up the supplies and got everyone in wagons and on horseback, we headed to the wall. As we waited on top of the wall for orders, I talked to some of my friends from the 104th cadet class.

Reiner and Bertholt were talking to me, but had insisted we do it a bit far away from the group. We were friends, but the information I was given earlier, that they were from the same village as Annie, gave me so many doubts. That they too, might be titans.

"Erin, we need to talk." They'd said.

I'd made the mistake of believing them. I wanted to believe they were good people. I didn't want Section Commander Hange's information to be correct. It was just like with Annie. I was naive.

They told me so much. That they were titans. That I needed to go with them. That they would explain the rest later. When it was safe. I laughed.

"You guys are so funny! Come on, we need to go!" I half turned my back to them and started walking toward the rest of the group.

"Stop, Erin. You need to hear us out. To understand. We are not joking, now come with us, please." Reiner was grabbing at my wrist, trying to pull me along in the other direction, away fro the scouts, with them.

"Let go, Reiner!" I chuckled, but I was terrified in truth. I wanted to laugh this off, to move on. Go back to how things used to be. This was so bad, they're about to get me.

"Just come quietly." he yanked me roughly.

"I said let go!" I yelled hitting his arm with my other hand. I had felt Mikasa's eyes on me the whole time. She was wary of the ongoing events as well. She pounced when I yelled.

Her swords were drawn, swinging at the pair of them. They let me go and I fell back, tripping over someone's pack. Section Commander Hange and the rest of their group turned their direction to us, and as I tried to get back to my feet, my ankle gave out under the weight.

I felt Jean and Armin grab me under the arms pulling me back. They threw me behind them, and Section Commander Hange yanked me to my feet, setting me down on a crate.

My eyes were wide and my hands were shaking.

"Titans...titans...titans..." I started rocking like a scared child and heard the clang of swords as the group battled it out.

"Where? Where are the titans? What is going on over there?"

"Reiner and Bertholt. They... they're titans!" I screamed pointing to the pair of them, "They're titans!"

"Shit!" Bertholt yelled grabbing Reiner and jumping off the wall.

Two flashed of gold lightning and the pair appeared as titans. The Colossal and the Armored.

"Mikasa! Armin!" Section Commander Hange yelled, "Get Erin out of here! Take Historia with you! If they were trying to get Erin to go with them then she's a target. If we get her out of here, back inside all Sina, its game over."

"I'm not leaving Ymir!" Historia yelled, draping herself over her friend.

"Yes you are!" Mikasa yelled, grabbing her around the waist as she ran toward Armin and I and dragging her along with us.

"Let's go!" Armin yelled, pulling me along by my wrist, across the top of the wall, far away, where we repelled down the side of the wall. I wanted to fight, to stay and help, but if I did Bertholt and Reiner could wind up with exactly what they want.

Follow the plan. Follow the plan. Follow the plan. Follow. The. Plan.

Mikasa brought Historia with her, putting the girl on her back and following us down the wall. A small town was nearby, so we ran like the wind.

When we reached the village, Mikasa threw a pouch in a farmer's hand and took his three partially tacked horses.

"The scout regiment will be commandeering your horses. Bring that pouch to the Scouts and they'll give you knew horses, or just keep it."

One of the horses was a saddle but no bridle. The second had a bridle and no saddle. The last was fully tacked.

Mikasa took the saddle-less horse, I took the bridle-less horse, and Armin and Historia took the fully tacked horse. It was fine. I didn't need a bridle. I held two chunks of the horse's mane and used them along with my heels to guide the horse where I wanted to go.

Soon we were just galloping back off to Military Head Quarters just outside of Stohess. No one stopped us or questioned us, they would practically leap out of our way. No one wants to tangle with the Scouts.

When we arrived, we were taken immediately to Commander Erwin and Captain Levi.

"What are you brats doing here?" the Captain asked as Armin closed the door.

Letting more people die senseless deaths so you can keep living your miserable life.

"Section Commander Hange sent us back," Mikasa explained, "Reiner and Bertholt were as dangers as we suspected. They are the Colossal and Armored titans. They attempted to take Erin with them, so the Section Commander sent us, along with Historia, back for safe keeping. They were probably targeting her too, but Erin was easier to reach then."

"Sit down and do not leave this room. Do not open the door for anyone, but me, or Hange." Commander Erwin ordered as he headed for the door.

"Erwin!" Captain Levi argued, but it was in vain.

"Stay. Here. That's an order."

He slammed the door, but above us, below us, all around we could here people begin to stir as they prepared to leave, to aid Hange and bring the Colossal and Armored titans to their knees.


	13. Chapter 13

**In reply to the comment about how you would have transformed and fought anyway from Traitor of All Traitors: In this story, Erin is trying to be less of a hot head because the voices of guilt and doubt are haunting her. She is trying her best to follow the plan, because she doesn't want to feel responsible for more deaths. **

**Hello everyone! I'm back with another chapter. Thank you for reading and enjoy the story! Follow. Favorite. Comment.**

Erin Chapter 13

We remained there as ordered, but after nearly five hours we received new orders. I was to remain behind again with Historia and the Captain while Mikasa, Armin, and a group of scouts and soldiers from the engineering corps to bring lifts to Erwin's troops so they could hop the wall. It would take hours to get the wagons out there. I argued until I was blue in the face that I should transform and run the supplies.

After my idea was shot down, the Captain worried I was a flight risk, so his genius plan was to lock me up in a scout safe house along the outside of wall Sina. After another argument, this time from Mikasa, he accepted her request. She wanted us to hide out at Scout Head Quarters where at least we had the trees and the home field advantage.

We rode in a cart steered by two guards. Historia, Captain Levi, and I sitting in the back with three more. When we arrived, the guards did a perimeter search and uncovered nothing, do we proceeded inside.

A guard was posted by my 'room' and the rest took perimeter shifts. Captain Levi went to his office and Historia was put in a room down the hall from the Captain.

I wanted to go to the front line, find a way to escape, to get to Mikasa and Armin. I didn't want to leave them out there without me.

As I laid in bed, all I could think about was them. My whole class. I imagines their faces and all the great times we had.

Eventually, my eyes had closed and I fell into a deep sleep. At first, it was peaceful, but then it was restless. When the dreams came, my mind tried to wrestle with the guild of the deaths of Petra, Orou, Eld, Gunther, and so many others. All who senselessly died for me from the first time I transformed to today.

Petra was there, in my dreams, telling me to trust her and smiling, but in the blink of an eye, she was crushed. Annie's titan form's foot was crushing her against the base of a tree. Why couldn't I stop Annie? Why couldn't I save her? What is wrong with me?

_You're weak. A useless, disappointing brat who could never save anyone, but you were conceited enough to think that you could. _

When I woke, I was even more tired, but the fear of going to sleep again was overwhelming. I could feel the weight of my dreams crushing me, and I couldn't move. If I let my eyes close again and had to watch all of that again, I'd lose my mind.

_Hey brat._

Something hit me in the head. I blinked and looked toward the bars, but... they...weren't there? A round stone wall wrapped around the room I was in. But it wasn't a room, was it?

The ground was half dried mud, and small sticks were scattered on the ground around me.

"Jaeger!" a voice boomed, echoing around me. I flinched. Who was that? There's no one else in here.

A stick hit me in the head. I watched it fall to the ground.

"Jaeger!"

Another stick nailed me in the head. I looked up, ready to yell at whoever threw it at me.

_Captain Levi._

"Captain!" I jumped to my feet, throwing my hand to my chest, crossed over my heart, "...uh...sir?"

"You know yourself out already, brat?"

"What? No, uh...sir, I apologize, but how did I get here?"

"Tch..." he shook his head, "We came out so you could practice less than an hour ago. Now climb out of there and stop wasting my time!" he threw a knotted rope down.

When I finally got out, the Captain grabbed me by the arm and hauled me up behind him on his horse.

"Hang on." he warned as we galloped off at top speed, back to Head Quarters, I felt myself drifting off again, but the stinging in my hand from where I had been gnawing on it woke me up again.

Eventually, my hand was numb and my eyelids heavy. When they fell shut, my grip on the Captain loosened. As we hit the first turn in the road, I slipped and fell off the horse, tumbling into the dirt.

"Jaeger!"

My shoulder ached, my cheek was scratched up, and my heartbeat pounded in my head. I reached to grab my head to make it stop spinning, but stopped when I saw just how scratched and bloody they were.

"God damn it, Jaeger!" the captain yelled in my face picking me up by the collar of my shirt, slamming me into a boulder. I think it might have moved.

"What the hell is the matter with you?" he asked slapping me upside the head and shaking me by my collar. My eyelids fluttered, but ultimately I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I wanted to react when he pinched my cheek and slapped the other, but I was trapped, a captive of my broken, exhausted mind.

I felt the captain hoist me over his shoulder, dragging me back upon his horse as he sighed. He threw me over the horse's back, stomach down, face pressed into the horse's shoulder as he climbed up himself. I expected him to leave there, to ride all the way back to Head Quarters like that.

"Ugh..." he sighed, pulling me up so his arms wrapped around my waist to grab the reigns.

"You're filthy brat...you should have told me if you weren't feeling well."

My mind shut off while we were still on the way back. My mind and body were so tired that they couldn't even produce any dreams.

When I woke I was chained up in my 'room' on my cot. My eyes were wild, my breathing heavy. I tried to sit up, but I was held down. The clatter of shifting chains had woken the Captain. He was above me, pushing my shoulders into the bed.

"Calm down."

My eyes stung and my ears were ringing. My throat was burning. It felt like I'd screamed my voice away.

"Erin, do you know where we are?"

I nodded, my cheeks were wet, and I wanted to break free of Levi and these chains.

He released my shoulders and sat back in his chair beside my bed.

"Do you think you can stay calm, Erin?"

I nodded. I was afraid to hear how broken my voice sounded. I was too afraid for him to know how broken and fragile I felt.

He pulled a key from his pocket and opened my shackles, freeing me. I sat myself up, my back pressed to the stone wall, knees curled up in front of me, arms wrapped around them.

"Are you alright?" he leaned close to me.

"I don't know." One tear fell.

"Have you been sleeping?" I felt my breathing pick up._ why is he questioning me?_

"No..." I admitted. Two more tears.

"Nightmares?" His voice was intimidating. Is this an interrogation?

"Yeah." A river flooded down my cheeks.

The Captain looked down at his shoes, and then back up to my face. He put a hand over my eyes and forced shut my eyelids. He spoke into my ear, "Sleep. I'll stay here until you do. Don't wast my time."


	14. Announcement

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reading the story thus far, but I think I'm going to redo it. Recently, I've had a lot of new ideas about how the beginning could have been and I really want to change it now. I'm going to be making the new chapters ahead of time too and trying to stick to an upload schedule even though I'm not sure how well it'll work. I've been really bad about uploading recently because I was sick for a while from October to December of 2019 and had a lot of work to catch up on for various things. I'm finally almost caught up after working day and night for almost two whole months, so I should have some time to get to work very soon! I hope you like the new story when I finally publish it! Thanks for reading, everyone!**

**Until next time!**

**~HPWitchcraft**


	15. To Answer Your Questions

**Hi everyone! I got some questions about the new story: **

**1). "How much will the redo be different?" From Traitor of All Traitors**

**2). "New story? Aww, can you at least keep this one up? I do still like this" from Shiranai Atsune**

**The first question, it will be pretty different in the beginning, which will have a younger Erin who discovers her titan shifting powers before the Battle for Trost. From then on there are a few minor tweaks, behavior changes, secrets, and one or two more important but not hugely major plot changes. I'm trying to be vague on purpose because I really think the new additions to the story will make it better and I want to rewrite some of the chapters to be more... book like. A lot of what I've written just feels off and I want to make it a smoother and over all more enjoyable read. **

**The second question, I would love to promise to keep up both stories, but I really don't believe it's a promise I can keep with how busy I am currently. In the next few weeks, as my schedule begins to clear and things start to calm down and the busy season comes to a close, I still can't promise to finish the current story. The main reason being, I have about 4 other stories I'm trying to finish, a handful of others that need a complete makeover, my original stories that I haven't had time to work on, a comic I'm submitting with an artist friend to the Webtoon contest, I'm trying to learn two languages that I'm beginning to feel competent in and I don't want to lose that, and I have a job. I would love to promise to get that done for everyone who wants it, but I don't see it happening at the moment and I'm done making too many promises to keep, so I'm sorry to everyone that's disappointed by this. **

**Thanks for everything, whether you continue reading my stories or not. I sincerely appreciate everyone who does read my writing and if this is the end of the line for you, I'm sorry if it was a let down. Thanks for reading everyone and I hope you all enjoy the stories to come. **


	16. The New Chapter 1

**Hi everyone! I'm going to start uploading the new chapters and I'll be taking down the old ones soon. I won't be deleting them, so if in the future I have the time, I'll upload them again and finish the story! This is the first new chapter, so thank you for reading and enjoy the story!**

* * *

_**Chapter 1: Ibrat**_

_**(noun) an incident that teaches us a lesson**_

The fall of Wall Maria and the destruction in Shiganshina are some of the darkest events in our country's history. After humanity was forced to retreat inside the safety of the walls due to the endless hordes of titans lusting for human flesh, people lived relatively safe and calm lives. They had families, homes, and jobs. My father was a doctor, famous for saving countless thousands from a plague, and my mother stayed home with me. She was killed in the titan attack of Shiganshina district. When my house fell on her, she was trapped, but alive, only to be dug out and devoured. Thousands died that day, whether they were abandoned without a boat to escape on or were trapped in the city when the gate was overrun.

Ibrat; an incident that teaches us a lesson. That is the very definition of that day and the following week as people flooded out of their home towns seeking the safety and security of wall Rose. We hoped this wall would be unbreakable, invulnerable to the attacks of the Colossal titan who'd peered over the walls and into tore its way into our lives. We were mistaken. Our false sense of security lulled us into a daze of comfort, so when the day came for titans to once again invade we were ill prepared.

In the many years after the Shiganshina Massacre, I lived as a refugee with my friend, Armin, and adopted sister, Mikasa. Armin's grandfather took care of us for a while until the king passed down a decree, the able bodied refugees would lead a charge to retake wall Maria. It was a horrible failure and nothing more than a mask to hide the government's true intention, to end the food shortage. Of the 250,000 people sent on the mission, little over 100 survived.

It was after the slaughter of a quarter million people that Mr. Hannes found us. He'd pulled as many favors as he could, being a low rank member of the Engineering corps, and got a transfer to the town we were living in. He took care of us when we'd been left all alone in the world and for that we'll always be grateful to him. He received permission to move out of the bunks and rented a one room apartment. We were cramped, but we were warm and fed and cared for.

With Mr. Hannes, we weren't working the fields anymore. He put us back in school and told us it was our new job, to get a good education and make better decisions that he had. He never got over the death of my mother. He always let the blame fall solely on his shoulders. I think keeping Carla's daughter, her spitting image, alive was his penance, and he took Armin and Mikasa for good measure. Every year on her birthday he gets really drunk and crashes at the military bunks so we don't hear him crying, but it was another birthday when I discovered a secret.

Armin had been having a tough time without his grandfather on his birthday. It was actually the first time he'd been without family on his birthday and it broke his heart. When he cried he said a lot of things, mainly that he wished he had a place to go where he could feel like he was talking to his grandfather. I suggested the book he'd given Armin when we were kids. He said he felt awkward doing it in the house, so we went on a walk despite the freezing November winds blowing through our layers.

"Erin..." we'd been walking a for a while and had come to the edge of the forest. It reminded me of the field they had us working before the failed operation last year.

We stood in silence as he grasped my hand tightly.

"Armin?" he was crying again, "Are you alright? Do you want to go home?"

"No!" he squeezed my hand tighter, "I want to stop here for a while."

"Okay," I smiled and hugged him close, "Just talk to him, I'm know he can hear you. I'll give you some time alone, just not too long. Mr. Hannes will kill us if we get sick."

I headed off into the woods. I don't know why, it just felt like a nice direction. I came to a huge pine tree a while later and decided I wanted to know what the view was like from the top. Could I see over the wall? Could I even see the wall at all? Or maybe I'd just see Armin in the field. Whatever I would see, I knew it would be awesome.

When I got to the top, I got nervous. The branches were brittle and I was at least 20 meters in the air. I could see Armin calling out in the field and Mikasa was with him, but the wind was so loud I couldn't make out what they were saying. Their hands were up around their mouths to try and amplify their voices but it was no use, so I started to climb down.

It felt like the wind was pushing me around and in my panic I steeled my mind, focusing only on making it to the ground safely. I was barely a quarter of the way down when a branch snapped and I nearly fell. My scream echoed through the deserted forest and I could hear Mikasa and Armin's voices as they drew closer.

"I'm okay...I'm okay...I'm okay..." I chanted breathlessly to myself, "The next branch will be stronger, there's no need to be afraid, just make it down."

I slipped again soon after, slicing my palm open in the process. I was still at least 8 meters off the ground, so now the fall wouldn't kill me, just seriously injure me. I couldn't afford to be injured though, not when I was so close to making it into boot camp.

"Get down" I told myself. Those were the only words I could afford to focus on. Not Mikasa's. Not Armin's. Just my own.

The next branch completely snapped off under my weight. I lost my hand holds and my other foot hold and I free fell. My mind screamed for me to save myself, but there was nothing left to do but fall and break like a porcelain doll on the thick lower branches. I closed my eyes and braced for the impact that never came.

When I opened my eyes, I was still high up in the air. I could see Armin and Mikasa far below me and my tiny legs beneath me hanging in the open air. Was I floating? What was happening?

"Erin!" Mikasa yelled. She seemed shocked and an emotion other than anger always put me off when it came from Mikasa.

"I'm going to get Mr. Hannes!" Armin called up to me as he ran back toward the town. He was wide eyed, which was pretty average for him, but the terror in his wavering voice put me off more than Mikasa's shock.

I hesitantly looked at my arms only to find enormous, muscly arms had sprung out of nowhere an attached themselves to me. I screamed, loud and incoherent. I wriggled like a fish hooked on a rod and wound up falling a meter or so. Unconsciously I must have given an order to my new arms because my right hand was gripping a branch and the left was reaching for a lower one, taking me farther and farther toward the ground.

When I was finally set down in the snow, I fell back against the base of the tree and tumbled into the snow.

"Erin!" Mikasa held my face in her hands and I could barely breathe, "Can you hear me, Erin?"

She waved a hand in front of my unflinching eyes and had a brilliant idea. She wrapped her red scarf around my eyes and pulled my face forward, bringing our foreheads together.

"Erin... I know you're in there. Listen to me, okay?" she ran a hand around the back of my head and felt my burning neck, "Mr. Hannes isn't going to understand when he gets here. He isn't going to see you or me, he's going to see a titan. I need you to talk to me so I know you'll talk to him. If you act like a rational human being he'll take care to figure this out before acting, but if you sit here in a daze he will push me aside and kill you. So what will it be, Erin? Do you want to live or not?"

With her final word she pressed a handful of snow to my neck and suddenly I was in control.

"Mikasa!" I cried into her scarf, the tears soaking right through, "I don't want to die."

"Of course you don't." she rubbed my back and hugged my tightly, "Let's talk about something else. What do you want to do after this?"

"I want to go home and drink hot cocoa by the fire. I want to wrap up in as many blankets as we have and take a nap. I want to wake up and have a pillow fight. I want Armin to read us another story and I want Mr. Hannes to laugh at the jokes we don't get yet and hide his blush that he swears is from the heat of the fire but we all know its because he slipped some booze in his cocoa. I just want things to go back to how they were!"

I hung my head on her shoulder as I cried. I was weak. For a long time I thought being strong was all about holding it together until I felt powerful again, but I'm starting to find that being strong his hanging on to the people I rely on when I feel powerless. Mikasa has always been that person for me. She's my sister.

When I lifted my head again, Mikasa released me and pulled off the makeshift blindfold. I looked at the arms hanging uselessly beside me, weighing me down and saw as they began to steam. They were practically decomposing.

"Mikasa!" I looked at her panicked, "Help me get them off! Please!"

"What?" she looked confused.

"Grab one of the hands and pull!" I told her, "These aren't my arms!"

"What do you mean, 'they aren't your arms'?" she was in disbelief now.

"I have that huge scar on my right arm from a burn when Mom tried to teach me how to cook! It isn't there so they can't be my arms! Mine must be underneath or something!" I felt like I'd solved a huge mystery.

"What if we yank these off and your arms are just gone? How are you going to join the military with no arms?" she successfully knocked me down a few pegs, all the way back to the snowy floor.

"Please just trust me!" I begged her.

"Always," She ruffled my hair and grabbed my huge right hand, "Ready?"

I nodded and we pulled as hard as we could in opposite directions.

"Erin! Mikasa!" I could seem Mr. Hannes running toward us, but Armin was nowhere in sight.

I put all my strength into one last tug. If we could get this arm off before Mr. Hannes got to us, maybe he wouldn't freak out. Maybe he would just help us pull off the other. I hoped, but when the arm popped off and Mikasa fell away from me into the snow, Mr. Hannes picked her up and stood between us.

"Erin! What the hell is going on here?!" His blades were drawn.

"I don't know, Mr. Hannes, I cut my hand and fell out of the tree and now my arms are titan size and they come off? And I guess they disintegrate too?" I felt like crying again, but right now I needed to be strong.

"How did this... What did you do?!" he demanded raising the blades a bit higher, ready to strike.

"She didn't do anything! I saw her start falling and then out of nowhere they just appeared and caught her. Erin didn't do anything wrong!" Mikasa grabbed onto his shirt yanking his arms down and begging him.

He was reluctant but in the end, he put his blades away. He approached slow and cautiously, but when Mikasa tried to follow he yelled, "Get back! If something happens right now and Erin hurts you, she'll never forgive herself and neither will I!"

"But..." she tried to argue only to be immediately silenced.

"Just listen to me for once, kid!" he was facing me but yelling at her, but he checked to make sure she had really backed off before he proceeded any further.

When he was within reach of my titan arm, I bit my lip and wished with everything I had for the stupid arm to just go away. I wished for the situation to be resolved calmly and rationally, but weapons were soon drawn again.

My arm started to smoke like crazy, to the point I couldn't see. I choked on the disgusting air and Mr. Hannes retreated back to Mikasa to make sure she wasn't inhaling the fumes.

"Stop it!" I begged my arm, "Just stop it!"

I choked the words out through scared tears and gasps for clean air and felt my weak little bottle begin to lose all its strength. I closed my eyes and laid down in the cold snow hoping to put out whatever was causing the smoke. I felt myself drifting off and no matter how hard I fought, I just couldn't keep my grip on the world as it fell away beneath me.

* * *

When I woke, I was curled up on the couch in a whole bunch of blankets, the fire was roaring, and Mikasa was sitting on the floor next to me holding my hand. My left hand. My actual left hand. The titan arm was gone.

"Erin?" she stared into my groggy eyes with a hand on my sweaty forehead, "Mr. Hannes! She's awake!"

The man dozing in the corner chair was on his feet as soon as he heard his name.

"Hey, kid, how are you?" He kneeled beside me and brushed a hand over my hair, "You feeling better?"

"Yeah." I sat up rubbing my head, "What happened? Where's Armin?"

"Don't worry," he smiled, pushing me back down and pulling the blankets back up to my chin, "Armin's just fine. He went to get the doctor. We only got back to the house a little while ago. Do you remember anything about what happened in the woods?"

"I remember falling out of the tree," I bit into my bottom lip, "and I remember arms that weren't mine catching me. They were huge titan arms and they put me on the ground and then Mikasa helped me pull one off, but when I fell asleep I still had one...? What happened to the other one?"

"Do you remember the smoke, Erin?" Mikasa asked.

I nodded.

"When it cleared both the arms were gone. It was like they just disappeared."

"Titan smoke," Mr. Hannes said, "That's what the military calls it. When titan's body parts and blood waste away like that and turn into smoke they call it titan smoke."

"Oh."

So it was real. I turned half into a titan. What the hell.

"Erin," Mikasa held my hand tighter. I must have looked distressed.

"Don't worry, kid," Mr. Hannes smiled, "You just relax. We'll figure this all out tomorrow. The doctor is just going to make sure you didn't hurt yourself. All he knows is you fell out of a tree. Let's keep it that way, okay?" He looked back and forth between Mikasa and I. I hoped he'd had a similar talk with Armin, not that I didn't trust him, but he seemed really scared earlier.

"okay." I said and Mikasa nodded.

"Good, now get some rest, you both need it. You nearly froze to death in the snow today. I'll wake you when the doctor gets here."

Mr. Hannes put Mikasa up on the couch with me and covered her with the other end of the blankets.

"Goodnight, girls," he rubbed both our heads and I giggled.

"Goodnight, Mr. Hannes."


	17. The New Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! Thanks for reading and enjoy the story! Follow. Favorite. Comment.**

***This chapter was supposed to be longer but its 2:30 in the morning and I want to get at least something up so I'll finish this in the next chapter!***

**Chapter 2: Eleutheromania**

**(noun) an intense and irresistible desire for freedom**

When I opened my eyes, I was laying half-conscious in Armin's arms. Mikasa stood between us and a whole group of Garrison soldier and the MPs, swords drawn, ready to fight to the death.

What is happening? Where are we?

"Armin...?" I was breathing heavily, my knuckles white as I gripped his jacket.

"Erin?" he brushed my hair out of my face and looking down on me as I struggled to catch my breath, "Can you hear me? Are you okay?"

"Armin... What did I do?" I knew something was wrong. I had a feeling I turned into a titan and went berserk.

"You really don't remember?" he looked petrified. I wished I had enough energy to try and calm him down.

"I shifted didn't I? But why? My head is little fuzzy."

I could remember wandering around killing every titan I could find after I shifted and I remember finding Mikasa. She was out of gas and half out of her mind with worry searching for me. I got her up on a roof top and she met up with Armin and Connie. Then they tricked Connie into believing I was an abnormal and 'lured' me to the supply depot to help them out. I could hear them just fine and I went along with it. We had planned to keep my secret until we joined the scouts and trusted someone enough to tell them. Its too late now. The cat's out the bag.

"I almost got devoured and you-" I could see guilt flashing in his eyes, "I was useless! I couldn't do anything! I froze so you jumped in and saved me even though one of your legs had been bitten off... You pulled me out of a titan's mouth and your arm was eaten in the process. I didn't think you would be able to come back from being swallowed, but then I found you with Mikasa."

He gripped onto my hand holding his jacket. I could see the tears in his eyes. I smiled at him as I hesitantly sat up. I pulled him in close and talked to him gently, almost like talking down a frightened beast. "I'm sorry I scared you, Armin, but I'm so glad that you and Mikasa are alright."

He held me tight, with all his strength and cried with relief.

"Armin... I know you're overwhelmed right now, but I need your help." All during our conversation, Mikasa had been threatening the soldiers not to approach, to back off, to see just how much damage she could inflict if they even tried to hurt me.

He pulled his face from my shoulder and took a deep, shaky breath, "Whatever you need!"

"I need your communication skills. I need you to convince everyone over there that I'm not going to kill them and that they shouldn't kill me. This is just a little hitch in the plan-"

"Little?!" he looked at me incredulously.

"Okay, maybe its kind of major, but that's why you are the perfect man for the job. You and your big ass brain have saved me a whole lot over the years, and this time I'm putting a whole lot of faith in your abilities. We're gambling with all of our lives here, so do your best, blondie." I ruffled his hair, "I know you can do it. I trust you."

"Erin Jaeger!" I heard someone call from the line of soldiers about 15 meters away, one of the officers, "This is the last time I ask, girl! Are you a human or a titan?"

"I'm sorry, sir!" I yelled back, I could hear my voice breaking with every word, "I-"

I'd tried to stand, to speak the them with a level head, but when I stood I felt almost all my strength leave me and I fell. Mikasa caught me, dropping her swords and propping me up with my arm around her shoulder. Armin took up his position on my other side, wrapping my other arm around him.

"We've got you, Erin." Mikasa assured me. I gave her the strongest smile I could muster and turned back to the soldiers.

"Sir, there's been a miss understanding! I know what you think I am, but you're wrong!" It was all I could do to keep my voice firm.

"Jaeger! Tens of your fellow soldiers saw you emerge from the fallen body of a titan! What else could you be but a threat to humanity?!"

"I know this is a bad situation, but please allow me to explain!" Armin stepped in. Maybe he could make them see reason. I don't think I prayed once in my life before today. "When Erin was a child, she fell 8 meters out of a tree, but she was saved by enormous arms that sprung from her body out of nowhere. I witnessed the event first hand, along with Cadet Mikasa Ackerman. We didn't understand what was happening or the power that Erin held. We were terrified, but she learned to control it! She has never once used it outside of a controlled location where no one could be injured. Today was the first time she used this power in front of people other than Cadet Ackerman and myself, a move she made out of desperation to save me from meeting the same fate as her mother and so many others, to save me from being devoured by a titan. I know this is hard to understand, try imagining what it was like being 11. Three orphans, all alone and dealing with this. We mean you no harm. Erin means you no harm!"

Armin nudged me, I think he wanted me to speak. He'd been doing so well I hadn't expected it. He'd even gotten some of the soldiers to lower their swords, not entirely, but enough to be a whole lot less threatening.

"It has always been my aim to join the scouts and help reclaim what was lost to humanity, even before I knew about these powers." I told the soldiers, "When I was 10, before the fall of Shiganshina and Wall Maria, I knew what I wanted. These powers only gave me a stronger driving force to join the scouts because I believe with these powers I can help humanity turn the tides against the titans!" I pulled my arms from my friends shoulders and kneeled before the soldiers my right hand crossed over my heart and my left behind my back, "I beg of you! Let me help! Let me do something with these god forsaken powers to help bring humanity back from the brink of extinction!"

"Cadet Jaeger!" I lifted my head to look at the man in charge. "I am left with no choice! You are a threat to the safety of the human race. It is my solemn duty to rid the world of this danger!" I raised his hand and a mortar shell was aimed at us, ready to kill me, but it wasn't just me. Armin and Mikasa. It would kill them too. I had to do something. I had to save them.

I froze as I felt the key my father gifted me in my shirt, pressed against my chest. I could feel his words flooding over me. The promise to tell me the secret he was hiding in the basement. His order to keep the key with me always.

_I must return to the cellar! I have to make it there some day. Its the only way. It can't all end here._

I knocked Armin and Mikasa to the ground behind me as I lifted my right hand to my lips and bit into it. The familiar taste of blood ran across my tongue as golden lightning struck me where I stood as my titan body's rib cage and head appeared, shielding my friends from the canons.

I could hear Woermann yell for his people to remain in place, to be vigilant, to be ready to fire again soon. In my incomplete form, only my arm and part of my face were attached. I ripped myself free and climbed down to find my friends safe and sound beneath me.

"Erin!" Mikasa grabbed my arm. I was weak before I created this form. She knew how much shifting took out of me.

"I'm okay." We all came together and spoke in low voices, "We have two options. I leave right now and make for Shiganshina. I can control the power enough to get there. If I come back with my father's notes, his things, whatever the hell it was he left down there, maybe I can use it to make peace with the military. I don't know for sure, but it might be worth a shot. My second idea is the same as before, Armin. I want you to talk to them again, but if you do, they'll lump you both in with me on the treason charge, Mikasa for protecting me and Armin for speaking on my behalf, and probably for admitting you knew about this from the beginning. Its up to you guys. What should we do?"

"The smoke is clearing and the canons will be reloaded any minute now. We need to decide now." Armin pushed.

"Option 2," Mikasa said, "I'm sorry, Armin, I don't mean to put you in the line of fire like this, but we have complete faith in your abilities. We know you can do this and I want as much certainty as I can get."

"I understand, Mikasa." He clenched his hands into fists, "I can do this! You two just act as non-aggressively as you can, okay?"

We nodded. I pulled Mikasa down to the ground me with and rested my head on her shoulder. I was exhausted. I'd been a titan for well over an hour today. I'd never been one for more than fifteen minutes before. I knew I could rest easy now though, I trust Armin implicitly.

He stood, marching out of the cloud of smoke. I heard clattering as he dropped something. I assumed it to be his ODM gear, smart, if he was going to approach, best not to have a weapon. I could faintly make him out through the thick cloud as he began.

"Is this supposed to be your true form monster? I don't buy it!" Woermann... He's completely out of his mind right now. "I'll give the signal to fire I mean it!"

"Erin is not an enemy of humanity! We're willing to cooperate with Military Command and share everything we've learned about her powers!"

"Your pleas fall on deaf ears! He revealed his true form and because of that threat he cannot leave here alive!"

"You tried to kill us, so she reacted in self defense to save not only her own life but mine and Cadet Ackerman's as well!"

"If you insist she is not our enemy, show me proof! Or I'll just blast her back to whatever hell hole she crawled out of!"

"You don't need any proof!" Armin wasn't showing it to the soldiers, but I knew that tone of voice. It was his I'm-so-frustrated-with-you-but-I'm-being-subtle-and-putting-up-with-you. It was a well practiced voice. He used it whenever he thought our teachers were bullshitting him back in school and boot camp. "The fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter what we perceive her to be!"

"What?!" Woermann sounded unconvinced.

"The reports say hundreds of soldiers saw her! And those who were there say they saw her fighting other titans, which also means they saw her swarmed by other titans! To put it plainly, the Titans saw her the same way they see you and me and all of humanity, as there prey! It doesn't matter how else you may look at it! That is an irrefutable fact!" It was agonizing to hold my laughter. I cope with stress oddly, and it seems that in this situation, I'm laughing, because its simpler to laugh at little Armin's angry voice, than it is to accept the 50/50 chance we get blown away by canon fire any second now.

I let out a breath as I heard blades lower and whispers went around the gathered soldiers only to gasp when Woermann put everyone back on edge.

"Prepare to attack! Do not let yourself be swayed by his cunning lies! The titan's behavior has always been beyond our comprehension! I wouldn't put it past them to assume human form! He's speaking our language in an effort to deceive us! I refuse to let them continue this behavior unchecked!"

Blades were raised, canons aimed, and was on my feet, ready to grab Armin and shelter us once again if it came to that.

"Are you really going to let you hysteria overcome your common sense and reason?! What the hell is the matter with you?!" Armin was pissed. I almost laughed again. I really need to get that under control.

Armin looked back at us with guilt etched all over his face. He knew he was fighting a losing battle, but I smiled and gave him a nod.

_I know you can do this!_

"I am a soldier!" He screamed even louder than before, "And I have dedicated my heart to the restoration of humanity, sir! Nothing could make me prouder than dying for such a noble cause! If we were to use her titan ability and combine it with manpower we have left, I believe we can do it! We can retake this city! For humanity's glory, in what little time I have left to live, I will advocate his strategic value!"

One of Woermann's right hands asked him to consider Armin's words. He was seeing reason. This could actually work.

"Quiet!" Woermann interrupted him. He raised his arm to order another round of canons to fire.

"Armin! No!" I screamed running forward taking him and Mikasa to the ground with me, shielding them the best that I could.

I waited. I waited for the explosions to kill me and prayed that I could do something to save them. They didn't deserve this. It was all my fault.

"Please...no..." I held my friends tighter.

_Kill me. Please! Just spare them!_

"That's enough! You should really do something about your nervous disposition, Captain Woermann."

_Who's that? _

I looked up at the line of soldiers. An old man, about a head shorter than Woermann stood beside him sporting a grey mustache, a bald head, and a military uniform.

"Commander Pyxis?" Woermann looked ready to shit himself. I guess he's a higher up.

"Did you not see this young soldier's heart felt salute? Can you really believe that this girl is human when she willingly risked her own life twice in a matter of minutes to save her friends from your nervous fire? I've only just arrived, but I've been made quite aware of the current situation." Commander Pyxis looked back to Woermann, "Gather our reinforcements. I think we could as least do these young soldiers the favor of hearing them out."

I grabbed on tightly to one of each of my friends hands. My breath came out in shaky gasps as I squeezed them both tightly.

_Thank whatever is out there. They're alive._

* * *

As I spoke to the man called, 'Commander Pyxis' I came to find out that he was the Commander in charge of the defense of the southern territories. Trost fell under his jurisdiction, given full authority of humanity's most vital remaining territory.

As we strolled along the top of the wall, he leaned over to see the titans pawing at the wall and spoke to them.

"Nope, not any of you. Eaten by a titan wouldn't be so bad, if it was a sexy lady one."

While he is notorious for his tactical brilliance and willingness to make sacrifices for the good and furthering of humanity, he is also know to be quite eccentric. To the point where he ordered that we speak with him alone in private, no guards.

He listened patiently as Armin and I explained in grueling detail everything we knew about my abilities. Mikasa piped in a few times with her own observations as well. We told him about the experiments Armin ran to help me find out more about my power, but we still didn't know too much. We even told him all about my father, everything I could remember about the last time I saw him, and his insistence that I one day make it to Shiganshina, to our cellar to find whatever secret we was hiding from me. We especially made sure to emphasize that Mr. Hannes had no idea about my powers, that we hid it from him. He's always been a member of the military. If he knew and didn't tell them, its treason. We had no choice but to cling desperately to that lie.

When we were finished, Commander Pyxis seemed to think over the information for only a moment before turning to us and speaking, "That's that. So, visiting this cellar should clear everything up?"

"I don't know if it will clear up everything, sir," I met his eyes, I was being completely honest with him, "but I do believe that it will give us the edge we need to be victorious."

"For the moment there is no way to validate all of the claims you've made. For now I'll just catalog them in here." he tapped a finger to him temple, "With that said, I can usually tell the difference between the unctuous and the sincere, which is why I personally guarantee your safety."

I sighed in relief when I heard those words. I felt Mikasa and Armin do the same beside me. The Commander moved on to address them next.

"You're Cadet Armin Arlert. Is that correct?"

"Yes, sir." Armin visibly stiffened at the acknowledgement.

"You mentioned a plan to harness this so-called "Titan Ability" and then utilize your friend's power to retake the city. Do you believe it could work? Or were you grasping at straws to try and save your hides?"

Armin shifted between his feet and met the Commander's eyes, "Uh, well- Both, Commander," he stated softly, "I was going to suggest that Erin, using her titan form could lift that giant boulder. We could use it to block of the wrecked gate. That was the best idea I was able to come up with on the spot. I just wanted to make everyone see how Erin's ability could provide a solution to the problem we all face."

I starred at Armin in disbelief.

That's his big idea?! I can definitely do that! I saw that boulder and I've carried heavier, but never for very long or far. I just need a chance, I'll put everything into this. I know I can do it!

The Commander hummed as he thought on Armin's words.

"Granted, I was pretty desperate to survive," Good for you, Armin, at least you can admit it.

"'Desperate to survive' huh? That's as credible as any reason, son." He pulled a flask from inside his jacket and took a sip. He turned with a purposeful grin, it gave me hope that this would all work out. He walked and came down to my level where I sat on the ground, propped against a box of supplies, "What do you say, Cadet Jaeger?"

"Say, sir?" I replied.

"That hole, do you think you can plug it up, kid?"

"Well, I don't know, Commander," I couldn't look at him, so I starred at my fingers tightly intertwined in my lap, "It's possible, but at the moment, I don't know if I have the power to do it. I've never used my titan form this long or more than once in a day. I am completely on board with trying, but I don't know how successful I'll be. I may be able to move the rock small distances at a time, with short breaks to regenerate, but I may also be completely incapable. I'm sorry, Commander, I just don't want to make you a promise that I can't live up to."

I clenched my hands in fists, letting the frustration and the shame at being unable to assure him of my ability. His hands wrapped around my fists.

"Now, child," he said, "Honesty is nothing to be ashamed of, in fact I'm damn pleased you were so candid. I don't mean to ask for an impossible promise, Cadet Jaeger, I only mean to ask if you'll try."

"I'll do my best, sir, for you and for all my comrades."

He released pulled me up from the ground then releasing my hands said, "Thank you, that's all I can ask of you. For now, please walk with me. Cadets Arlert and Ackerman, Rico will take you where you are needed."

"Yes, sir," we all three replied at once.

Mikasa held tight to my hand until I smiled at her and nodded for her to go, Armin seemed just as worried.

As we walked along the top of the wall the Commander started give me a bit of a history lesson.

"It's thought by many that before the Titans held sway, mankind consisted of scores of different races, different creeds; all scratching and biting at each other for blood. Its not difficult to believe that second part. Some wise man or other is reputed to have said, though understand I'm paraphrasing here, that humanity required an enemy greater than itself just to survive. What do you suppose he could have meant?"

"This is the first time I've ever heard it, sir," I replied as I followed behind him, "I guess he thought we'd all join forces, but he was wrong. If anything, an enemy greater than humanity, like the titans, has put more rifts between different types of people than most can imagine. If anything, it strained the relationships of care that should exist between people to the breaking point where people only care for others if they'll be affected as well."

"Interesting." he tapped at his chin, "I like your answer, Erin, its almost like you're as twisted and cynical as I am, though oddly enough that cynical view is closer to the truth than most would like to believe."

"Thank you, sir, but I think anyone could come to the same conclusion if they had all the facts, an unbiased mind, and a cool head. I mean, humanity and our society here depends on the unity we find in our relationships and in our goals. Right now, we're certifiably dangerous when it comes to keeping the human powder keg under control."

"Exactly!" The Commander replied, "If our species doesn't pull it together soon, titans will be merely the instruments of our demise, not the cause."

As we walked past a group soldiers, I spotted Mr. Hannes. I felt my whole body tense as I prayed he didn't say anything. I continued to follow the Commander, but watched Mr. Hannes in the corner of my eye to see if he would look my way. He did. I locked eyes with him and made a motion for him to go back to work. I hoped my message was received. I couldn't afford to get him in trouble after everything he'd done for me.

When we were past Mr. Hannes, the Commander pulled his flask from his pocket once again and took a swig before offering one to me. I wasn't sure how to say no.

I took the flask with a bit of a shaky hand. I brought it to my lips and let just the slightest hint of its contents into my mouth.

_Shit! That burns, dammit!_

When we finally reached out destination, the Commander cleared his throat and called the attention of the crowd of soldiers below him. It was going to be a much rougher day... for everyone.


	18. The New Chapter 3

***Hi everyone! This is the continuation of the last chapter! I thought I reached a good stopping point last time, or good enough to throw it up so I didn't go forever with nothing up, but now it has been like... forever, so I figured I should try to get the rest of it up tonight since I have a little time! Thanks for reading and enjoy Chapter 2 part 2!**

"Attention!" The Commander called at the top of his lungs over the ruckus the soldiers below were causing. The chatter ceased and the soldiers fell in line, ready to listen to the next orders that would tell them to evacuate civilians or lay down their lives.

"Take note! The blueprint of the Trost Recovery Operation is this." He stood tall and proud announcing the plan as he bull shitted his way through most of, claiming I was a product of science, a weapon to be used against the titans. Sure, for now it would calm people's fears, but soon enough I would terrify them once again, because I had the power to turn into a species who's sole objective is the extermination of the human race.

"Our primary objective is to seal the whole, what's more it will be done manually." A wave a whispers voiced the fears of the soldiers below us, "As for how the task will be done, that's where this girl comes it. Allow me to introduce Cadet Erin Jaeger." I took the cue stepping forward with as straight a face as I could muster, saluting my fellow soldiers.

"Don't let appearances deceive you! This girl is in fact the successful product of cutting-edge science. Fantastic as this may sound, Cadet Jaeger possesses the ability to fabricate and control a Titan body at will. Recall the massive boulder nearly a league from the gate. Having assumed Titan form, Cadet Jaeger will hoist it on her back, schlep it to the hole, and voila!" He paused as another wave of uncertain whispers washed through the crowd.

"And this is where you come in!" I could see the people below stiffening at the thought of what possible role they could have in the plan, "Your job will be to defend her. Yes, defend a titan against her own kind."

The hush was gone and accusations were slung around. People shouted that the Commander was lying to disguise a suicide mission, that I couldn't actually turn into a titan despite the number of people who'd witnessed me emerging from a titan corpse and forming one in defense of my friends, that this wasn't the way they were going to die, that they weren't just going to die this way. I wanted to say something, to try and get them to listen. I wanted to tell them that this would work, that no one would die, that I would be the only one at risk, but that would only be spewing more lie.

People were leaving, abandoning their posts. It was a mutiny. Soon enough, we'd have the whole military turned against us.

I could hear Woermann's booming voice yelling out that he'd kill anyone who deserted. I could see him drawing his sword and making for the crowd of people fleeing. I wanted nothing more than to jump down there and stop him. I wanted to yell out for him to stop. I didn't want him to threaten or kill anyone else. Panic ensued as people rushed around hoping not to be cut down in their place. I opened my mouth to say something, but the Commander beat me to it.

"Anyone wishing to leave, will by my personal order, not be charged with treason!" The crowd froze once again, stunned by what the Commander was saying. I had to admit, I was pretty caught off guard too, "Those who have seen a Titan first hand will not be expected to revisit such horror again. Whomever this applies to, you may leave with my blessing. Additionally anyone with family or loved ones they would spare from the same trauma may also leave. The crown will continue to recognize your service. Thank you and good luck!"

I could see people turning, getting out of there as fast as they could, but I could also see a few turn around, like the Commander's words had somehow turned their terror into drive. Drive to never see the same horrors done to their fellow soldiers done to their families, to the people inside the walls. That they would held to create this small victory for man kind, because if we could not stop the titans here and now, when would we? Its only a matter of time before the last of our walls fall and we are left defenseless if we don't make a stand, however desperate we may be. With the right plan, I know we could accomplish this.

"Now, think back four years ago" the Commander spoke again. _What is he talking about now?_ "Namely, the operation to retake Wall Maria. I bring it up because you all deserve to have your suspicions confirmed. Officially, we labeled it reconnaissance, but in fact, as most of you probably know, it was little more than a purge; a thinly disguised exercise in population control. We knew this in our hearts, of course we did. Yet we turned a blind eye."

I knew Armin was behind me. I wanted nothing more than to check on him. I knew he could hear the Commander. I wondered how he was handling the fact that the truth about the deaths of all those people, including his grandfather, and the blame for those deaths were finally being taken by those accountable. I almost wanted to hug him and claim a small, but important victory for justice.

"We supported the state-sponsored myth because the deaths of our fellow human beings allowed us to survive. Pure and simple. The guilt is ours. We share the blame. All of us. The citizens of Wall Maria sustained themselves on the wholesale slaughter of refugees who'd flown to us for help. But turnabout is fair play, is it not? If Wall Maria succumbs, the population will fall by a whole other order of magnitude! The lands comprising Wall Sina wouldn't support half the people now living. If we're wiped off the face of the Earth, te culprits will not have been the Titans, let me assure you. No,no. We'll have done it to ourselves."

This sounded familiar, like the conversation we'd been having earlier.

"If the line isn't draw now, it won't be drawn at all. If we must die... let us die here."

Now that's something I'll salute to. I like Commander Pyxis, we think alike.

* * *

From there, we were split off into groups. I split off from the Commander and met up with Armin and Mikasa again, but I could hear the conversation the Commander was having with the Elites. The people that were being sent out as my bodyguards, to clear the path for me to make it to the wall with the boulder. They didn't trust me.

"I'm so sorry, Erin!" Armin was still apologizing for telling them to use me as a weapon. It didn't matter though, this is what I'd wanted since the day I found out about these powers. I wanted to help the human race take back our lands, to give us free range to roam to world without fear of the titans, because the beauty of the world is the birth right that was stolen and hidden from all of us for the last hundred years.

"Armin," I smiled at him, "You have nothing to apologize for! You knew this was what I wanted for a long time and you made it a reality, so I should be thanking you. I should also be praising you gift for strategy though because its the reason we have a fifty-fifty shot at getting this done and taking a win, however small, for humanity. You're the reason we weren't blown away by Captain Woermann."

"Erin, I really don't think I should be staying here."

Here we go again...

"This is the last time I'm going to say it Mikasa. I don't want you out there. I know you're strong. I know you're capable. I know you'd survive, but I don't trust myself and this form. I've already used it more than ever today and I just don't trust myself with your life right now. You can fight when you aren't worrying about me, but if this doesn't work or you're just stuck worrying about me in the middle of a battle, I could lose you. I don't think I could take losing either of you."

One of the Elites came by just as I finished speaking, Ian, I think his name was. He'd be leading my protection squad.

"Ackerman!" he called to Mikasa.

"Sir!" she turned to him, saluting.

"I want you on the squad protecting Jaeger."

"But-!"

"No buts, Erin!" she was way too smug about this, "I've been ordered by a superior and their word is final."

_Dammit..._ I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists.

"Let's go!" Ian ordered.

I pulled Armin and Mikasa close, "Don't you dare die, Armin, I was banking on Mikasa protecting you, and now I have to put all my faith in you. I have to believe you'll keep yourself alive. I'll see you soon."

"You better come back too!" he ruffled my hair.

"You got it!" I giggled more than a bit nervously. I was mostly worried I wouldn't be able to keep my promise.

As we ran across the wall, Ian spoke to me, "Let's get this straight, Jaeger, I don't care what the hell you are. I just care about you getting that rock in place, can I count on you for that?"

"Yes, sir! I won't let you down." I yelled.

"Erin..." Mikasa sounded worried, "You're sure you'll be okay doing this? Transforming again?"

"I have to do this, Mikasa, it doesn't matter what happens to me here, it just matter that I do all I can to defeat these bastards before they steal anymore from us."

"Erin-"

"Just focus on what you need to do, Mikasa, don't worry about me." I looked at her with a smile, showing her all the confidence I could muster. "Now let's get this done, okay?"

"Okay." she nodded as we kept on running.

Rico chimed in with a comment, but I missed it. I was getting a little too deep inside my head now that this was actually happening.

Mitabi was next to speak, "I'm going to say what we're all thinking, okay? I'm not sure why the Commander has so much faith in this plan and the fact that its being executed by a little girl does not give me much hope fore success."

"Stop it! We're about to be in range of the boulder, get ready to go on my signal."

"Yes, sir!" we all replied.

"I don't see any titans nearby, so maybe that decoy strategy is working after all. You're little blonde friend is pretty smart. " Ian called from the front.

_Yes he is... Thank you, Armin. _

"Jaeger," I looked over to Rico as we kept going, "Let's get something straight, Jaeger, more than a few people are going to die before the day is over. I'm talking friends, captains, lieutenants, peons. Yes, they're soldiers. Yes, this is what they signed on for, they are prepared to die, but all that blood is still on your hands and no one else's. Your first and foremost focus today must be that their deaths mean something! Take everything from the time this mission starts to the end, seriously."

She's right. The blood will be on my hands and if there's any way to stop some of those deaths, I'll do it. The faster I do this the better.

_Focus Erin. Focus Erin. Focus!_

"This is the place!" Ian yelled, "Go!" We jumped from the wall heading toward the boulder at top speed with out ODM gear, but Rico stayed back a moment to fire off a green smoke signal, telling the Commander that the mission had begun.

When the boulder was in my sights, I lifted my hand, biting into it and letting the familiar jolt as my titan form emerged and the rush of power when it was fully formed.

This is my chance to do something good for humanity. I stepped toward the boulder, moving to grab it, when one of my legs gave out under me.

_No! Not! Now! Push! You can do this, Erin!_

I stood, shakily, but I pushed on. My muscles were sore, feeling like they were tearing with each meter I lifted the boulder up. When I finally it sat on my hunched back, just between my shoulder blades. The position left me almost completely defenseless. I was more drained than I'd ever felt before, but this was it. This was my moment, my one shot to make this work. I had to succeed. Failure was no longer an option.

I couldn't give them all this hope just to crap out now.

I could see Mikasa moving slowly across the rooftops to my right, following me with each move. I could hear the pop as another smoke signal was sent off. I assumed it was to signal the snag we'd hit, to tell the decoy squads this was taking longer than we hoped. It felt like I'd been trudging along for hours and I'd only made it a few blocks.

I could hear the Elites fighting around me, guarding me from the oncoming attacks. I was much too fragile right now. I growled, angry at myself as I could see the end of the buildings coming. I would be marching across a field where ODM gear would be useless to my protectors.

I could hear Ian ordering I be defended to the last man, but I couldn't let that happen. I wouldn't. I could hear Armin joining Mikasa by my side. The thought of them having to fight and protect me gave me all the strength I needed. I had to protect them too.

When I walked out into the field ahead of me, a group of titans was heading my way. It was now or never.

Do I sit idly by and let them sacrifice their lives for me? Or do I act and get them out of my way before my body guards are forced to act in a place where their gear wouldn't help them?

_I make my own way. _

I roared as I lifted the boulder up over my head.

"Erin! What are you doing?!"

I brought it down in front of me and with one more ear piercing screech, I started running, as fast as I could manage. I plowed right through the titans, using the boulder as a bit of a makeshift shield. I could see Team Mitabi out of the corner of my eye trying to gain the remaining titans' attention, but they were ignored.

I felt Armin and Mikasa each land on one of my shoulders and I almost dropped the boulder when my hands trembled with relief that they were both still with me. They weren't fighting. I could protect them too.

My footsteps shook the ground. I couldn't run anymore, I just took slow and heavy steps. My shield trick hadn't killed the titans behind me, only wounded them or knocked them out of my way. I could hear the screams as my comrades were dying behind me. I had to press on. I had to do this.

I felt Mikasa launch off my shoulder and take out a titan to my right and I could hear Armin above everything else yelling in my ear, giving me all the encouragement I needed. I thought of Jean and Marco and Annie and Reiner and Berthold, Sasha, Connie, Ymir, Krista, my squad who'd laid down their lives this morning, Mr. Hannes was out there somewhere, and I thought the Commander up on the wall watching over us. He'd put all his faith in me.

_This is for all of you!_

I let out one last screech as I fell to my knees, jamming the boulder into place, and limply laying against it. All my strength was gone. I just wanted to sleep.

Armin was hanging from my hair in front of my face. Tears streaked his cheeks as he yelled to me, "Erin! You did it! You beautiful titan-sized nut-job! You actually did it!"

I could hear the smoke signal go off behind me, signalling that the mission was complete. That the mission was a success. Reinforcements were on the way. Humanity had triumphed over the titans. Our sacrifices and the lost lives of our comrades hadn't gone to waste.

_Your sacrifice was not in vain..._

* * *

**Hi everyone! This is the third chapter of the redo! Thanks for reading and enjoy the story! Follow. Favorite. Comment.**

_**Chapter 3: Acatalepsy**_

_**(noun) the impossibility to truly comprehend anything**_

What a pleasant dream. I suppose nowadays I only get to see good things in my dreams. I guess I'll have to get used to a dark and musty cell in the dungeon of God knows where. That is, if I don't decide to use my powers to bust myself out of here. I'd probably only make it worse if I were to try, after all, my powers got me into this mess in the first place. I survived over three years with this secret, but in my very first battle I blew it. I got myself eaten protecting Armin and was forced to use my powers to escape a titan's stomach.

I remember speaking to Commander Pyxis in the middle of the battle, after defending my friends from the military's mortar fire. I was lucky I reacted as quickly as I did or Mikasa and Armin may be dead by now. Maybe I saved them in vain. Maybe these idiots killed them already to prove their might, to prove my friends weren't titans, to calm their cowardly hearts. I sealed the hole in their wall, saving them from the titan hordes that roamed beyond it.

I struggled to remember more of what happened after I sealed the hole. I thought I remembered Armin and Mikasa being with me. I could hear them conversing, but I had no idea what they were saying, it was muffled and distorted. I heard another voice I didn't recognize as well, maybe Ian or Rico. I wasn't sure, but them I heard a new sound.

I heard the jangling of keys as my cell door was unlocked and screeched open. I didn't bother to look, probably a guard bringing me rations, I could see his uniform out of the corner of my eye.

I was pleasantly surprised when a hand wrapped itself in my shirt, yanking me forward only to throw me back against the wall.

"Answer when we ask you a question, bitch! You understand me?" the man yelled in my face. I couldn't help but laugh. I'd been through too much actually scary stuff recently to be intimidated by him. From what I could make out of him, he was a pipsqueak. Usually when guys like this are rough on others their trying to compensate for something else. Like a minuteman owning a nice estate.

"Oh, sir, I'm terribly sorry! I do hope you'll forgive me!" I teased, breaking out into a fit of giggles.

"Get your shit together, Jaeger." Levi... this was Captain Levi in front of me. Man, he's shorter in person. I guess he always looked a little bigger riding a horse. So far I was enjoying making fun of him and I had no intention of stopping anytime soon.

"Aw, Captain, you know its just Erin to you!" I reached a shackled hand forward, playfully poking him in the chest.

"I'm being serious brat!" he raised a hand to hit me.

"I can get behind some punishment. Bring it on, sir." I taunted, "Just be careful. Break the skin and I might just shift on you. A personal attack of that magnitude can't go unanswered."

"Levi," Commander Erwin called, his tone warning him not to. Oooo, I wonder how he'll react to similar treatment.

"Commander!" I whined sarcastically, a big smirk spreading across my face, "You just had to go and ruin my fun, didn't you?"

He frowned at my pout.

"Get a hold of yourself, brat." Levi ordered as he headed back out the door, taking his place beside the Commander like a loyal little puppy.

"Let's start again, Ms. Jaeger. Do you have any question before we begin?" the Commander crossed one leg over the other.

"Hm... I don't know. What day is it? Or maybe the time? Oh! I know! Tell me where I am!" Levi's eye twitched.

_Levi, Levi, Levi, you make this much too fun!_

"A dungeon, brat."

_Yeah, no shit._

"You are currently in the custody of the Military Police." the Commander explained, "We were only just granted permission to speak with you."

"Am I really that special to you?" I faked a sniffle, "Commander, I'm touched!"

"Shut it." Levi ordered. I snickered.

"Not having fun, Captain?" I smirked, "I think this could be quite interesting! Maybe they'll kill me? Or maybe they'll dissect me? Wait, I like this one the best! Maybe they'll just use me for target practice!"

"Let's cut to the chase." the Commander cut in before Levi could speak. I gave a knowing glance to the key he dangled in front of him, my father's key to the cellar.

"Tell us about your cellar back in Shiganshina." Levi crossed his arms in front of his chest, tapping his foot expectantly.

I sighed, sitting straight up and moving into business mode. "Really? Couldn't let me have a little more fun? You just had to go and bring that up already? Ugh, how dreadfully boring. My first real interaction with humans in the last... however many days and you go and ruin my fun."

"Tell us about it, Ms. Jaeger." The Commander's lips shifted as he pursed them. He's much too easy to read. How boring.

"Its just a key, to a cellar in a home that lay in shambles. My father gave it me at some point, not sure exactly when, and promised he would tell me all about the cellar and his work when he got back from a work trip. That was he day of the attack five years ago. That's all I can tell you, its all I know, well besides the fact that I can confirm there are people who shift."

"Elaborate." Erwin demanded.

"You're quite needy, aren't you?" I wasn't sure why I was trying to go playful again. To avoid the topic, maybe? Who knows, it surely didn't matter. I would tell him everything eventually.

"You witnessed the attack five years ago and did nothing. Your mother was killed in front of your eyes and you did nothing. Countless people died and you did nothing. Explain to me why you didn't use your powers? Were they weak?"

I scoffed, "You don't know a thing, do you? I hadn't discovered these powers at that point. I didn't discover them until I was less than a year away from going to boot camp. To give you as much elaboration as I can, I'll tell you, I don't know of anyone else who can shift, but I know for a fact there are others."

"How?" Levi's voice was hard and angry.

"Five years ago, when the Colossal titan came to break open the gates at Shiganshina, there was a flash of golden lightning just before he appeared. When I shift into a titan, there's a flash of golden lightning just before I transform, less strong and noticeable though. My titan form isn't nearly as big." I crossed one leg over the other and leaned my head on one of my hands, "I'd say there are at least two other titan shifters somewhere among the military's ranks based off the titans who appeared in Trost, the Armored and the Colossal. Find them and you'll stop the breaches of the wall."

"Interesting." the Commander seemed deep in thought, "Anything else you need to share with us?"

"Nope," I shrugged my shoulders, "I'm just as in the dark as you are. There was no one to tell me what my powers where and what to do with them. My father was gone and my mother was dead. All that I know, I learned on my own."

"Who knows of this?" Levi demanded.

"Who do you think?"

"If I tell you who we think knew all along, you'll deny anyone else was involved to save them the trouble of being involved. Tell me who knew." He approached the bars.

"Or what, Captain? You'll kick my bratty ass? I might enjoy that."

"You-" he went for the keys, but the Commander stopped him.

"Levi, she has no reason to lie and we have no reason to believe she is lying." He grabbed Levi's shoulder guiding him farther from the cell, "Ms. Jaeger, we know your two friends, Cadets Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman, helped you hide your abilities. Was there anyone else?"

"No."

"What about the man who housed the three of you before you became cadets? Was Hannes his name?"

I laughed, "You think you're so smart, don't you, Commander? But it's laughable to think that Mr. Hannes knew anything about this. Keeping a secret from him was unbelievably easy. He never knew anything about it. Only Armin and Mikasa knew and if it helps their case, I told them not to tell and they were too scared to disobey."

"I'll pass that along," The Commander looked a bit perplexed, but still moved on, "how about you tell us your intentions."

"Whatever do you mean, Commander?"

"What was your purpose in joining the military? Why are you helping the human race? What do you intend to do with this power?"

"That's it?" I raised an eyebrow doubtfully.

"C'mon!" Levi yelled, goading me on, "It's an easy question, answer it. What the hell do you want to do here?"

I sat straight and stiff, all sense of my usually playful nature fell forgotten as I laughed. My shoulders shook and an angry daze fell over me. I could feel my voice go flat, dead, monotone, as I said, "I _want_ to become a member of the scouts and slaughter every titan that crosses my path. How's that, Captain Levi? Satisfied?"

He huffed in reply, "Well played, brat."

He turned to look at the Commander and gave him a nod as he headed for the door.

"Are you sure, Levi?"

"I'm sure, Erwin, I'll take responsibility for her." He paused and locked eyes with me, "So long as she can learn to shut her trap. If it comes to it, I can kill one brat."

"Good news, Ms. Jaeger," the Commander approached the bars, "You're officially a member of the scouts."

"Aw, Levi, you know just what a girl wants." I smirked.

"That's Captain to you, bitch."

"Haha..." I laid down, listening to my chains rattle. Now, all that's left to do is wait. What a fun day. I can't wait to tell Mikasa and Armin, I'm sure they'll get a real kick out of this.


	19. Update not a chapter

**Oh my gosh people! It has been forever since I have come on here! I can't believe it has been this long. I've been incredibly busy despite the quarantine and the chaos of our world currently and I hope you all have stayed safe. **

**While I have not actually come on to write anything in months, I did take time to outline how I intend to fix my older stories, starting with Erin. I am rebooting it as a completely new story this time under the title 'Save Me... Please.' I know I have redone this story so many times and people are sick of it, so I respect the decision not to return to the story. I hope you'll give it a shot, the first few chapters may not have much of a change from the second draft; but the rest of the story is a completely 180 from where it was headed last time. **

**If you give it a shot, thank you! If you read this story at any point, thank you! I promise to improve as a writer and hopefully come out with a pretty good story on the other side of this. **

**Stay safe, everyone!**


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